Sunday, January 23, 2022

Covid and less of fear of failure

 Let's see, it's been two weeks, so I'm a bit behind. A lot has happened. I'll start with the news and then the second post will be the musings.

So, I've got Covid. So many more people are getting it this time around, thank God Omicron didn't happen till after we got vaccines ready. And that it's a less intense variant, rather than a more intense one like Delta.

Got it some time two weeks ago, maybe Wednesday or Thursday. But tested negative. Then by Sunday I realized it was a full fledged sickness. Sunday night I had a full on fever and was shivering so hard I thought I'd crack a tooth. I sweat the bed and then from last Monday onwards I've been slowly on the mend. Serious brain fog and fatigue. Mostly better at this point, just a moderate amount of brain fog and fatigue and sore throat and sniffles, which is good because I'm going back to work tomorrow (this Monday). Seems a little crazy to go back early, but apparently that's the CDC recommendation. As the obliquely say on the website, basically it's not totally safe but a 5 day return time is necessary to keep businesses functioning. You only stay out the full 10 days if you're in some kind of healthcare role, I guess where you could infect someone more seriously. 

They say that it's less likely that you'll infect someone later on in the cycle of infection, but obviously it's not zero, or it would be the same for healthcare as everywhere else. Basically they're saying, yeah, some people are going to get infected, we have to weigh that against the amount of economic disruption being out of work will cause.

Makes sense I suppose. I'd like to rest another two or three days, but I think they need me back at work. Probably means it will take more like a week for me to finish getting better because I'm not going to be getting much rest, rather I'll be tiring myself out, as the job does, but them's the breaks. I don't want to let my work makes down. One teacher being out adds stress to other people's plate. It's really stark in a profession like teaching young children, where you really need warm bodies, just to watch over the kids, even if nothing else. It's not like a work project where you can just push back the deadline or do stuff from home.

So, we'll see how tomorrow is.

I feel a bit better about work in general these days though. I've kind of given up on having to be perfect or make this job work, and instead I get to be my personal best, and do what I'm passionate about. Well, some of the time. I still need to fulfil all my duties. But I'm spending a bit more time doing stuff with character and human values and such, the stuff that really fires me up, and I'm also trying more things, being more willing to experiment and fail. That was always one of my big problems, trying to do things 'right' and feeling uptight and unnatural. Rather than doing what felt right. I think I said this before, but if ever there was a chance that I'd change my mind and stick with this job, this approach is much more likely to find that out. So, win-win. I think everybody benefits from me having less fear and being more true to myself.

OK, I'm almost out of time, but at least I've caught up from last week. I may not have time to do this weeks post tonight though, since it's almost 7:30 and my computer kicks me off chrome at that time. Oh, beautiful freedom, how sweet you taste.

Isaac, sighing out.

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