I'm on spring break this week, and it feels like the last comfort before I plunge in to the final 3 month stretch of intensity with my job. This is known to anyone who reads my blog with any regularity, but I work too many hours, and I am exhausted at the end of the day, partly because of the hours, partly the nature of the job, but I think mainly because it's not a good match for me. Enforcing discipline and multitasking and being constantly socially "on" is not my forte, and it's what I do all day every day. There's probably more and maybe I'm not capturing the essence of what makes me dread going to work every Monday, but let's move on.
The mixture of lack of time and lack of energy means very little gets done, aside from keeping my head above water. A week long break like this is the only chance to get ahead, to pick up my messy office, to take on some of the interesting projects I've been wanting to do that require longer stretches of time to accomplish.
It feels like the fellowship of the ring stopping at Rivendell, just ahead of the dark riders, for a brief breather, before continuing on into the wilds and uncertainty of the dangerous quest.
I've got two more three day weekends, but really only one that will help, since the last one is just a week before the end of school. But three day weekends are just enough time to do a little something fun with Suzannah and convalesce to full recovery, not make any headway on anything new.
So, I begin the work and preparation part of my spring break with trepidation, worried I won't get all the things laid in place that I want to get done. If I don't do it now, then that's it. There are realistically no more opportunities until the job ends and the ring is cast into the fires of Mount Doom. Really I just have one major thing that needs to get done, so perhaps I should focus my efforts on that, but I would really like to get my office a little cleaner and my todo's collected into one place so I can have some confidence that I'm not forgetting something important.
I suspect that when I finally get to the end, I won't have the energy to properly celebrate. It will be like someone crawling through the desert, finally reaching the oasis. I will let my head fall into the pellucid waters, and drink with my head flopped halfway underwater, before rolling over, coughing, and passing out. It may take a few days to switch out of the mindset of the determined soldier, marching against the wind, focusing only on taking one more step at a time. The end is as yet too far away to be encouraging to think about. Perhaps when it is two or three weeks away, I can start looking forward to it.
Hmm. Thinking about it that way, perhaps I will get excited around then, and it will be the run of the desert go-er who has spotted an oasis on the horizon, for the last bit of time.
I suppose there is a little difference being three months out. I'm willing to go a bit harder than I otherwise would. I know that I will be able to rest in a few months, so if I push a little extra hard now, it will be alright. I can forgo some play and relaxation during this break, so I can set plans in motion for my education and learning over the next few months. I still need to pace myself, but I can set a somewhat faster pace.
OK, here we go. Once more into the breach, dear friends, once more into the breach. And perhaps soon will be Saint Crispin's Day.
-I Out
No comments:
Post a Comment