Partys, Projects, and Being Old.

 What else... well I suppose the big thing coming up is my birthday! I'm going to be almost 40. I'd be alarmed at how old I am, but I basically accepted that I was a fossil some time around 28, and I've had the mentality of a cranky old man since I was in single digits, so it doesn't really feel like a surprise. Not to mention I'm always thinking about my own inevitable demise and the utter uncertainty of when it will be, in an attempt to spur myself on to using what life I have in a good way, particularly the present moment (which is all any of us ever have).

In some ways I feel like my whole life is a dress rehearsal for my death, so that when it comes time to leave I can do so without a gnashing of teeth and fear, but with a sense of acceptance, gratitude for the life I had, and satisfaction with how I used it. Not there yet, but getting there more and more.

I've got a birthday party coming up, that is a lot of work and energy. I'm trying to make it a ritual that is meaningful, and gives something back to my dear friends and family, who add so much richness to my life.

And I've got a few projects I was trying to get done during my break between classes, but it's looking like that's not going to happen, since classes start back up next Monday. It will be less intense than last summer, since it's only one class, but I still don't know how much I'll be able to get done while the class is going on. We'll see. There's also a bunch of travel, which will make it more difficult to get multiple big projects done or moved significantly forward. There tends to be a certain amount of time and focus needed, to bring a project to completion, and when my focus is split too much, it seems not to happen. I'm working on it though, and definitely making some progress, in how I approach these things. (The main improvement recently simply being "stop trying to do so much stuff.")

On the plus side, I've been really productive so far, this break, and it feels like a whole different pattern from usual. But I'll save the rest of that for my next post.