Pakistani and Latino Foods

Party going on outside, next door in the fifteen-foot square fenced in backyard that's behind each of the brownstone buildings on my block. loud latino music. Me and friend/housemate, chilling in the living room. He's sitting on the carpet, pumping air into his bike tire. I've just gotten back from teaching kids and having a planning dinner with two of the other teachers. Snippet from the conversation.

Friend: man, we used to have all kinds of parties like that back in Texas. That music, dancing...I love it. I mean, us Pakistani's party too, but it's different.

Me: yeah, I imagine, even the crazier Pakistani partys, there's a kind of... Modestly to that culture?

Friend: Oh yeah. whereas those guys... (gesturing towards the party.)

Me: They're all about the sex. It's part of the culture. Spicy

Friend: (laughing) yeah. Our Pakistani spice is all in the samosas.

Me: (in awe of the turn of phrase)

Friend: you like that?

Me: That's...excellent. I'm using that.

Friend: go ahead. I'm not copyrighting it.

Me: That's going in my blog. I have to go write that down now before I forget. (walking excitedly to my room.)

Preserved forever.

The Dark Cloud of Creeping Doom Part 3: The Long Road Ahead

If you're just starting this article series, go to part 1. Otherwise this may make less sense.


So, 30 days and counting of 5am wake up along with an awesome morning routine. Courtesy of the Miricle Morning.

Yet, even with the gumption to pull that off, I still find myself getting distracted by petty, time wasting tasks. I have a large project ahead of me, erasing old, deeply rooted habits of saving important stuff for later and doing fun stuff for now.

It is a totally impossible task, if I try to brute-force it. All my base, animal instincts inherited from back when I was an amoeba tell me to go towards pleasure and away from pain.

And generally high priority tasks are scary, difficult, and uncomfortable. My animal-self wants to get the hell away from that stimulus as fast as possible.

That part of me is basically a horny sloth. As long as it's well fed and generally comfortable, it's not going anywhere very quickly. If danger is coming,  only then will it work hard, and only until the danger is past.

If I try and fight that system head on, I loose. It's like swimming against a quickly flowing river. Eventually, I get tired. I run out of willpower. And get washed back down stream. The river never gets tired.

I need to engage a whole different, higher-order motivational system if I want to change that pattern of behavior, long-term. Or create an environment that redirects my animal system to get me where I want to go. The proverbial carrot and stick apparatus. Might as well do both.

The environmental change is easier and faster to set up, but it is also fragile and short-lived. Once the environment is gone, we often revert to our old ways. Like being in work, or school, and then being unemployed, or graduated. We may be very productive in those engineered environments, but once they're gone, many of us turn into limp noodles. Until we feel enough of a cash pinch (or self-loathing) to re-engage the animal system out of fear. But that's still not getting us to our dreams.

The higher order motivational system is poorly understood and rarely taught. So, though it's not unpleasant to learn, it ends up being hard to master. Even the people who do seem to understand it, are not necessarily good at teaching it to others. So they write interesting and inspiring books that people read and get excited about and try to implement until they run out of willpower or the initial excitement dies down and then they're back where they started.

The change is a fundamental one. It is like teaching someone who's been blind since birth, about Van Gough's paintings. You can't be told, you must see it for yourself. Feel what it feels like to switch gears. Let's give it a name. I'll call it "Ride the Snake" in honor of motivational speaker Jimmy Tango (This is an old SNL skit. Pardon the commercial that will likely come before it. Couldn't find it on youtube in decent quality. Also, this has nothing to do with the motivational system I'm talking about. Just the name "Ride the Snake". And some motivational/heath fad speakers.)

I am still blearily wiping the sleep from my eyes in this process, so I'm as yet ill-equipped to talk about how one may "Ride the Snake."

But I'm beginning to feel the edges of it. So perhaps, when I do have a good understanding, I can help people like me, who had no grasp of it to start with. I feel like many motivational speakers start out as Snake Riders already, and so can't help people as sloth-like as I was.

Like so much of what I'm doing now, my motto (at least to myself) is, "Look, if even I could get this, you certainly can."

If you want the collected wisdom, or at least information, that I've been accumulating, I'll try to give you the essence of it now, via my own rudimentary understanding. Here it is:

Instead of trying to get yourself to do things because you've been told you should, or you think you're supposed to, or you're afraid not to, get yourself to do things by focusing intensely on the things that you actually want to do. Repeatedly and vividly bring that vision to mind. Be specific about what you want. Believe in your own ability to achieve it. Break it down into non-intimidating bite-sized steps. And be honest and aware of your current position in relation to where you are heading. Get in the habit of doing the next step, right away, first thing, as soon as you have a good next step.

And, if you're not into spirituality you're missing the most important element of this being successful, the secret sauce. Confidence in (helped by direct experience of) your own highest self. That which you truly are. That which is the all in all. Which is benevolent, capable, and available 24/7 via the help-line of your heart for tech support with your life. You are welcome to not belive me, but I can't exclude this in good conscience, since it has been the single most transformative element in my life to date.

That's it. But all the information is totally useless to the point of being a waste of time, if it's not implemented. It would be more useful to practice doing any one of those things, rather than to read about all of them. So go now, first thing, and do the one little, doable thing that would make the most positive difference in your life.

The Dark Cloud of Creeping Doom Part 2: The Silver Lining

If you're just starting this article series, go to part 1.

I said the stakes in my life aren't high, but that's not quite the whole story. There are high stakes: there's my life. A lot of the things that are not getting done are steps for creating the life I want. There are no immediate repercussions for not getting those things done. But if I don't get them done, I'm kind of not living a meaningful life. I'm just sucking in nutrients and pooping them out in rearranged form till my body stops functioning and they shovel me into the ground.

That sounds less than ideal.

This requires some serious thinking, planning, and implementing of efficient priority, energy, and time management strategies.

The simplest and most pressing of which is just the ability to quickly and easily identify low priority tasks and distractions and ignore them. And identify and do the tasks that are high priority.

This is a case of 'easy to say, hard to do.'

But it's also not an on/off switch. I have been working on this already, for years. But I'm getting much clearer on what, specifically I need to work on. In the past it was just, "stop being so lazy and bad." Whereas now I have specific things to change and implement. So compared to my past flailings, I'm making blazing progress.

For example, I just finished thirty days straight of waking up every morning at 5am and doing a whole bunch of practices for self-improvement, from meditation to visualizations/affirmations, to yoga, to communing with nature and the rising sun. That's unprecedented in my life and is going to continue indefinitely now that it's set as a habit. Go me.

(part 3 coming up next.)

The Dark Cloud of Creeping Doom Part 1

Tuesday is the new Sunday.

Meaning my weekends are super busy so I'm going to update this blog by Tuesdays, rather than Sundays. That should make it more likely to actually happen on the date assigned, and perhaps with better quality.

I'm in an odd state these days. All is well, yet, there is still a bit of creeping doom. This is the unsettling feeling that I am accumulating more things that need doing than I am completing.

It feels kind of like a video game that's on a timer or something. I have to solve all the puzzles in the room before the timer counts down to zero. Perhaps this started off easily, with one or two puzzles. But then as I solved those, the difficulty increased. Three puzzles, four, five, six. Suddenly I was in a room with the timer at two seconds left, and realized there were things I hadn't done. I tried to move as quickly as possible, but to no avail. The timer hit zero and with a sickening electronic "bloop" I felt my failure hit me like a cold slab of beef slapped across the face of a vegetarian. Perhaps my life bar went down incrementally. Perhaps some of the pixilated villagers I was trying to save died. And then, without a pause to catch my breath, the next room appeared. Now with even more puzzles.

I'm beginning sweat and wonder what happens when my life bar reaches zero. What are the repercussions of all those lemmings or mushroom people I've been failing to save? The dark cloud of worry-doom is getting bigger and darker.

That's not a good state of mind to get anything done in. I especially hate being rushed. I find it amazing that some people thrive in that kind of environment. Low time high pressure.

But this is not very high pressure. No real villagers are going to die. No princesses devoured by giant turtles, no houses burned down. Maybe I get a late fine, or I'm not able to help to help edit a script as much as I want. Or I have to reschedule a meeting.

As I said, it's just an uncomfortable background radiation, like a dark cloud hovering in the background, making me wonder what's going to happen when I continue to inevitably not meet all the deadlines in my life.

How big is your pipeline?

When I was a little kid, maybe five-ish, I would often be outside, say, on a summer afternoon, surrounded by beach trees with their smooth trunks and bright green leaves, glowing with the sun behind them. Wisps of white cloud moving across the sky so fast it made me dizzy to stare at them for too long. The white of the cloud making the blue of the sky seem super saturated. And suddenly the wind would pick up, and the trees would sway, and the leaves would make a sound like huge ocean waves, and I would feel a tremendous energy sweeping through me, with the wind. It was so much beauty.

My heart felt strained. Like my heart was trying to love everything around me, as much as it deserved to be loved. But my heart wasn't big enough to carry that amount of love. Like too much current on a tiny wire, or a small pipe trying to deliver the entire sea in a few moments. I would almost clench my teeth, straining with the tension my body felt. But I didn't want it to go away. I wanted to let that love flow and exult in the splendor of creation. To have its way with me fully. It was like a dam that wanted to burst, but could only let out an intense pressurized stream from a few small pipes.

Tonight I looked out at the glowing yellow sky where the sun had just set. Listening to the chorus of spring peepers and some other kind of singing frog. Turning back and forth between the pure clean dazzling moon having tea with Jupiter and the Japanese silhouettes of the trees against the still glowing western horizon. Feeling the cool, fresh air on me, breathing it in and tasting its crispness. Its soft, slight dampness of spring and growth and fresh water.

As all these things and more happened, and I let myself surrender to the present moment, I felt that same immensity stirring within me. Like a wordless song of praise being sung by something big as the earth, passing through me. And I found my heart had grown. The pipeline was bigger.

In fact, that analogy isn't quite right. The trick seems to be to stop trying to be anybody. To stop trying to do anything or make anything happen. Then the pipe dissolves and my heart becomes more like space itself, rather than something bounding space. There still seems to be a limit to how much of it I can experience in this little frame of flesh. But that capacity is growing. And instead of a pipe that is trying to flow the whole ocean through it, I'm more of just a person in the ocean, feeling the waves rock me as they go by.

As soon as I start to contract and close down, I feel the friction and pressure return. It's interesting.

So I guess this was more of a poetic than a funny post. But sometimes I just want to be grateful, and poetry is the only language that comes close to the truth, with these kinds of things.

I have so much to be grateful for. Mostly stuff going on inside of me. The outside of me probably looks much the same as any other person, or as I used to look, when I felt wretched and small most of the time. But now I feel extream gratitude for finally being able to work with focus and discipline at what I love. And that internal work pays huge dividends.

I don't think most people would be particularly impressed by the sunset tonight. I don't think people would be particularly thrilled to have the experience I had. I don't want to sound impressive. This is not impressive. It's simpler and more accessible than it sounds, unless it sounds really simple. But I do want to remind people that the universe is incredible, if you simply remove the coverings over your eyes and heart, and let yourself see what is there.

And also, apparently, the closer you are to not being anyone, the easier it is for the vast beauty and love of the universe to flow through you.

That's all for tonight. I'm going to bed early after a busy day of finishing my taxes.
Mazel Tov
-I

the kind of teaching that sets me on fire

In a good way. Not the pants on fire, need water immediately way.

My teacher created a system of education called Educare. To quote the creator of Educare:

"The word ‘education’ is derived from the Latin root ‘educare’. While education refers to collection of worldly facts, educare is to bring out from within. Education is for a living while educare is for life. "

This excites me. Helping to draw out from within people their latent genius, compassion, and enthusiasm. It's basically the thing I most like doing in the world, though I've talked about it using different words, in different contexts.

I thought up a catchy phrase to go with it:

Educare: making the latent, patent.

("patent" is pronounced "peyt-nt" for this meaning of the word.)


This short post may be all you get from me this week: taxes are due soon O.O

-I Out

Word of the Day With Isaac

There are some words that don't get used nearly enough. Today, I share one.

Insouciance

(pronounced "in-soo-see-əns" (the upside-down e is just a neutral, unstressed "uh" sound like anull")

Sounds saucy, and insolent. Like something a cocky teenager might do. Or like Spider-Man, dressed in a tuxedo, making funny quips while fighting a powerful bad guy.

The word even looks smoothly insubordinate. You look at it and say,
       "how the heck do I pronounce that? I bet it sounds cool." and then insouciance says,
       "yeah, I am cool. And you are probably going to pronounce me wrong. It's 'cus I'm French. Don't worry though, at least you'll look smart when you use me." And then he walks away and you think,            "wow, he totally talked to me. I think it was an insult, but for some reason I'm not mad at him. The other girls are totally going to be jealous.

OK, now for the actual meaning: "a casual lack of concern; indifference."

Now go forth and use this word with great aplomb and insouciance!

-I

A surprisingly long post. Considering I have no tiiiiiiiiiiime!

Aaaaaaaaaah all the stuff to dooooooo!

The weekend seems to have become a poor time to update, since it is kind of my busiest time now, thanks to two classes I'm teaching. This in addition to taxes, due very soon, and applying for a specific graduate school, due end of the month. Somewhere in there I eventually need to do laundry and bath myself as well, or else live as a filthy naked shut-in who gets all his food from home delivery services. And while that is attractive in terms of how much time it would save, I like people and I like outside way more than inside, so that's not an option.

So, all that said, perhaps I'll  switch up the timing and have an article by... Monday or Tuesday night. Those days have kind of become my weekend, as such. Though at this point they are more like catch up days where I dig into the backlog of stuff that I've been putting off because of the more immediate demands.

I would be dishonest to not also mention the fact that by Monday, I'm generally ready for a bit of a break, and am not necessarily at my most productive. Maybe that has something to do with often being at my parents house, which is lovely and has a forest out back. There might also be some kind of psychological thing that happens, where being in the physical setting where I used to be really easily distracted, and not very productive, energizes those patterns. Whereas the crazy busy, get-er-done patterns were established in New York and are strengthened while there.

Also, in New York, I'm basically alone, which leads to less distractions. Though it also leads to loneliness. I can see how it would be really easy to isolate myself and be nothing but a producer who works works works and then comes home and collapses onto the bed, feet still on the floor, clothes and shoes still on, only to be awoken a few hours later by the alarm for the morning. And another day of the same.

I'm pretty far from that, but I am experiencing how my work schedule (work being a loose term here, as only some of it is earning me money directly), picks up, and, especially with the weekend work, I stop having a social life. I'm trying to stay in touch and take some time to be with good people. But it's difficult.

There's much more I could talk about, but I definitely have to go. I was in fact just planning on writing the first sentence or two of this post, and then saying that might be all you'd get this week. But instead you get much more, because it just came out, rapid fire. Rapid fire like my brain right now. Which is not a comfortable state of being for me. I'm a snail, not a squirrel, and that is the pace of like I am most happy with. I can do short bursts of speed, but I find it exhausting on a deep level, and also aggravating. Rushing seems to give me a temper.

In any case, I feel like by going back and forth between my parent's house and New York, I'm kind of erasing the old lazy-patterns. Which will be necessary if I go to graduate school nearby and spend much of my time at my parents.

I'm already much better than I've ever been in the past. I'd say... conservative estimate, five to seven times more get-er-done, than when I was a teenager, when at my parent's house. Maybe a little bit more when I'm at my brownstone in Queens.

Credit to the amazing teachers I've had, credit the the wonderful, supportive friends, the groups of people that have taught and uplifted me by the power of a high functioning group. Generally also composed of friends and teachers. And most of all to that benevolent power and intelligence of the universe that answers all my prayers. Much of the transformation I've gone through I can credit to nothing but the miraculous, the divine. The core of the changes I've gone through. I do my best, but there's something that picks me up and takes me the rest of the way.

OK, time to do my best some more.

-I Out