OK, some simple life updates, for the friends who want to ask, "what's up?"
I'm a little bit sick. Some kinda stomach thing. I'm taking the day off from school/work. (what do you call it when it's an internship where your teaching? I'm a teacher, so it's more like work, but I'm doing it as a student teacher, to learn, for my master's degree, so it's more like school...) Hopefully I'll be able to rest and get better quickly.
I'm having a bit of an attack of the lonely distractables. That's where I feel lonely and end up being distracted instead of getting work done efficiently. I've been getting some work done, a definit improvement from the past, when it would be none, but still, something that needs work.
One of my more useful distractions has been reading through most of Carol Dweck's book, "Mindset" which is a lovely book that I recommend to basically everybody, or at least all the people with fixed mindsets. Which is most of us. And anyone who is interacting with kids, because it's so important for them. I don't know that I can summarize it better than she herself can, so here's a link to her TED talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/carol_dweck_the_power_of_believing_that_you_can_improve/discussion#t-60070
If you don't have time and want a super quick version:
Fixed mindset: my abilities are static, they don't change. This means if I do bad on something, I am just bad at that kind of thing, I might as well give up, and I'll do anything to look like I'm good at things.
Growth mindset: my abilities change and grow with use, like your muscles grow at the gym. By persevering and experimenting with new strategies, I can get better at just about anything I want to. And challenges are the main way that I grow.
And it should be no surprise that growth mindset in almost all cases (I keep saying "almost all": it's because there are a few specific cases where it's not helpful, according to research, for instance, your sexual preference or sexual identity: thinking you can change that if you just work hard enough at it apparently doesn't lead to good things, it leads to feeling really bad about yourself.) those who have a growth mindset (or are switched into having a growth mindset by the researchers, which seems to be a fairly simple matter most of the time) perform MUCH better over the long run, showing significant improvements while the fixed mindset group tends to stagnate or even deteriorate.
Hopefully that gives a thumbnail sketch of it.
Bottom line, for me, is that though I've known about this for a long time, there are a few blind spots that I have, where I most definitely have a fixed mindset, and it leads to trubs. The ones that really come to mind are my personal character growth, teaching, and relationships. When I'm looking for it, the signs become obvious: I avoid challenge and doing things that are likely to fail the first time. I feel bad when things don't go right and I retreat. I feel like I am less for having failed, or not knowing what to do.
I don't mean to say I feel that way all the time. Sometimes I get into a growth mindset about those things, and it feels way better, and I perform way better. But those are areas where I frequently do slip back into the old crusty ways of believing I have a fixed ability and my results determine the quality of my character.
It makes me sad how fully I used to believe that about character. When I was in my early teens, I was trying SO hard to have an ideal routien, to be a really good student and person, and when I found myself not meeting my expectations again and again, I quickly started feeling like it was impossible for me to improve, that this was as good as I could do, and it was horribly depressing, and sucked the tremendous energy I initially had right out of my sails. Now at least, though I may still have the remnants of the habit, I know the truth is much different, so when I find myself falling into that dark place, I can remind myself that I'm falling into a belief that is not true, except that it's self-fulfilling.
Then I just need to remind myself of all the ways I have grown, and of that whole mindset that I do so well when I'm in the creative groove with improv dance or writing: enjoying the challenge, not taking mistakes and constructive criticism personally, just using them in a good-natured way to improve what I do, and all that with a sense of play. I can do that very well with some things. I just need to realize that it's true of pretty much all the things.
It really shouldn't be, at this point, but it was a little revelation the other day when I realized I had a very fixed mindset about getting distracted and not doing the things that are really important in my life. I felt really bad about those times, but a much better approach would be to just look at them as great opportunities to learn and grow stronger in those skills.
Easier said than done when in the midst of strong emotions that have been triggered, but worth fighting for.
Love to all of you, dear friends and family,
-IO
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