Idea for a short skit: guy selling watermelons by the side of the road, hot summer day, handwritten sign, humble prices,
another guy in average business clothes walks by, looks at them for a bit, as if deciding, then when seller looks away, grabs one of the watermelons and tries to make a run for it. Seller chasing after the thief, who is soon sweating profusely, gasping and panting, desperately trying get away, clutching the watermelon close to his chest with a death grip, periodically glancing back at the shopkeeper who's running after him.
I just think it's a funny image but you could make up something about the greed of the capitalist upper class, or the Buddhist idea of suffering caused by attachment that could be avoided by detachment, or the rising cost of living. That's how you know it's art: it's archetypal (read: vague, idiosnycratic, bizarre) enough that people can create their own meaning from it. (I'm joking about that definition, just to be clear)
From Life:
Finished a large project, a big chunk of homework from the summer is done now (if I don't have revisions to make on it.)
And even have a few hours to take care of some other big ticket to-do's.
I've started taping my completed to-do's (I like using paper for that kind of stuff) up onto a part of my room I've labeled "Isaac's Wall O' Progress" so I can start feeling good about all the stuff I'm getting done. Much of what I do is just a mental note though, so it's not filling up as fast as I'm actually completing stuff. But it is deeply satisfying to put things that I've completed, there. It's so easy to forget how much you've done and just think about how much there is left to do.
Learning to teach, and learning to lead (because a lot of what you do as a good teacher is lead. It's sometimes called classroom management, but remember, "managers" in the traditional business sense, are supposed to be leaders of a sort.) and learning to teach discipline effectively and with kindness. All these are challenging things to learn. And anxiety producing, since I'm continually brought up face to face with my limitations and lack of skill/experience.
But on the bright side, it seems pretty universal to have such an experience, and also universal that the experience has a limited duration. often by the third year, it's no longer anxiety producing. That's reasonable. I can tough out the emotional bumps for that long. Doesn't mean I'm going to be an amazing teacher by then, but at least it won't be an all consuming, overwhelming race that takes up all my mental resources. I plan to continue improving as efficiently as possible, until I'm not just ok, but really good. My goals as a teacher are far beyond (not so) simple academic excellence, but into the inculcation of life skills, self image, empathy, responsibility, respect, a real and vital spirituality. It's only when I am doing an excellent job helping culture awesome human beings, that I'll feel like I can start branching out in my focus once more. (though making a family is likely to happen before that process is done.)
In the mean-time, one of the things I'm focusing on is the psychological discipline of self-compassion. I've read that a lot of that has to do with understanding our shared humanity. For me a lot of it is just being kind and forgiving when I get things wrong, when I make mistakes. It's such an important lesson to learn, and the children need it so badly. It may not be fun to fail, sometimes, but it should not be feared, in 99% of situations. I'm working hard at it, I'm learning from my mistakes, and I'm treating mistakes in such a way that I don't scare myself into being overly conservative or paralyzed. Intelligent risks must be taken. Inaction in teaching often leads to lax discipline, which is not good for kids.
As one of, no, as several of my teachers have said, in one form or another,
"It doesn't matter if what you do is perfect, just do something."
This world needs the action of compassionate, courageous souls. If you have the desire to make the world a kinder more beautiful place, we need you, we need your action. Even if you're not an expert. Just step in and start doing something that you see needs doing.
This is a lesson that I need to learn, and I've been working on it consciously, and its yeilding large positive dividends. But I really have to find ways to be ok with all the times it doesn't go well, or with the idea that it often won't go well.
Another quote I heard recently that I liked, "If you've waited to do something until you felt really ready to do it, you've almost certainly waited too long."
Life is a giant mass of uncertainty and unknown. If you want to dance with it, if you want to drink deep of the limited years you have, you must start getting comfortable with discomfort, uncertainty, not being perfect. Being a perfectionist or a control monster just separate you from life.
As does being a limp noodle that just blows with the breeze. In so many things in life, the secret lies in balance, in the middle path, in the synthesis of seemingly paradoxical opposites.
Kind but Firm Discipline.
Unconditional acceptance and lofty goals/expectation.
Surrender/stillness and intense action
Flexibility and Steadfastness
There is much more I'm planning on getting done before the day is over, so I'll say goodbye for now.
Each week feels like a month these days, with how much new stuff I'm doing, learning, going through. I can really relate to my fellow new students who cry for their mommy and want to just sit alone or follow around a teacher. The first days of school, especially a new school, can be really intimidating.
Anyways, much love to all of you, my friends and family.
Until next time,
-IO
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