Lo and behold, I am two days ahead of my papers. Maybe a little bit more actually, since I also did the one due next week. This is cause for celebration, but not rest. Remember, I've got 4 papers due April 21st, 2 papers due the 14th, and two papers due the 28th. And I'm flying out to Ohio on the 28th for a week of all-day classes, so I can't push the papers past that date, there won't be time the next week. So, I've got a week and a half to make enough of a dent in that, ahead of time, that it's sane. That is still a daunting task requiring a lot of work every day.
Did I mention I'm planning on taking less classes next semester? Assuming it doesn't mess up the timeline to much. Currently in conversation with academic advisor-type people about those specifics.
I think I already mentioned this, but it's good practice, learning to really focus and keep up a rigorous workload, not slack off. I hope I can then apply that work ethic to projects that actually matter to me, once the school work lessens. Not that I dislike what I'm learning, but man, paper-writing is a horribly inefficient way to learn any of this stuff. It's basically toilet paper getting thrown down a drain in terms of its use to anybody, particularly the carefully formatted, rubric directed, citation laden academic nonsense. Maybe a simple reflection, no special formatting, not worrying about grammar or citations, might be worth the time it takes to write it. Or a review of research and thinking, on something that actually matters to me. Who knows, maybe it will somehow come in handy one day. The actual pursuing of scientific articles is actually pretty interesting, when I care about the subject matter.
On the plus side, I'm getting better at writing papers and doing projects faster, with less perfectionism, and thus less time waste.
In more interesting news (to both of us) I love my morning sit-spots. Right now, I'm getting to see the buds emerging, day by day, and the air smelled fresh and like spring this morning. I smelled the crocuses, which smell as good as they look, with their deep vibrant blue to purple. I looked at three daffodil buds in various stages of unfurling, I looked at the Japanese maple leaves starting to emerge, and the redbuds waiting for a warmer day, partially out but halted in their growth by the cold snap. And all the birds flying around and singing in the morning light. It was beautiful, each day is a little different, and it fills me with profound gratitude most mornings, getting to witness the beauty.
My latest self improvement project is going to bed on time. I failed at this in the past, and it made me really upset with myself. But this time, I've got a different approach. I'll just keep working at it, and not get discouraged by it not working, knowing that eventually, I'll get the hang of it, and figure out how to overcome the things keeping it from happening, if I just keep working at it, reflecting and learning from my failures. That's a different approach to beating myself up and getting dispirited every time I failed, and I think it will work. Eventually. Maybe even quickly.
Not really pushing it these next few weeks though, just focusing on getting all my work done. That's enough of a challenge without adding a huge habit/behavior change.
I'm really looking forward to actually doing counseling work. Hopefully this passion of mine for behavior change and self-improvement will get to be channeled towards helping other people.
Love and all good to you, dear friends and family,
-I Out
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