Frozen pipes and fallen trees.

 OK, this is post number two of my catch-up series. Week number one I didn't get to because school started and was hecktic. Week number two didn't happen because we had a winter blizzard, got like 18 inches of snow, my parents were in town so I was spending time with them, half of a massive tree fell from the weight of the snow, narrowly and thankfully missing our shed, and very thankfully missing our house. Tecnically it did kit our shed a little, some of the branches broke off as they hit the shed roof. good, wrist or arm sized branches, so I'm really hopping they didn't do serious damage to it. At least I hope it's not dripping melted snow in there. Hopefully there are no punctures, but there is no way to tell until it gets a bit warmer and we can chansaw up the tree and get to the shed door, which is currently behind a tree full of branches.

Then our pipes froze. Our house has some really weird, and I'd say dumb, design decisions. The kitchen sink pipes freeze when it gets really cold. And now the poorly placed water meter valve and water shutoff froze. It's a length of pipe that pops up in the unheated garage and then back down into the concrete. The previous owners said that it had never frozen previously, only the kitchen sink. However, we were worried, and so created a structure with insulation to cover the piping, with heat tape wrapped around it. Well, it got really cold, like negative 30's with wind chill, and it froze. It took days to get a plumber out to look at it, and when they did they saw that the pipes had burst, so they had to replace them, plus the water meter. They put on even more heat tape. A few days later, it dropped again to negative 20 or so, and it froze, again. We fiddled around and got a space heater blowing into the enclosed space, and now all the pipes seem to be melted, but it's STILL frozen, no water going into the house, so it must have frozen below ground or something. So we are out of water again, probably until it warms up for a few days.

It's frustrating, it's disheartening, and it was exhausting, as Suzannah woke me up at 4-somthing am in the morning, panicked that the pipes had frozen again and not sure what to do. That was yesterday. We had come back late-ish from a friends birthday party, so I was in a dour sleep deprived haze all day, but had so much to do that I couldn't nap or take it easy, I had to work all day. And of course, being so low on sleep, everything too 2-3 times as long, because I was trying to do it carefully. I doubt I retained much of what I read that day for classes, but I got the time sensitive stuff I needed to get done, done, and then got to sleep in today.

So, we are getting buckets of water from our kind neighbors (gratitude to them) to flush the toilets, and jugs of tap water to put at sinks so we can wash our hands, and taking showers at other places, though less often, because it's extra work and time to go over to someone else's house to shower, plus it's still in the negatives, so you don't want to go out unless you have to. All the normal day to day things of living are made more time consuming and harder, like washing dishes or making food or going to the bathroom.

Meanwhile, I've got my normal seriously heavy graduate school workload. Plus an event coming up next week for my volunteer activities that is a bunch more work.

I'm grateful that we still have heat, electricity, and internet (though the internet has been less reliable since the freeze, not sure what's going on with that.

And I suppose it's nice every so often, to have to make do without the modern amenities we are used to, to remind us how fortunate we are to have things like running water and non-burst pipes.

All this to say: this is why the last few posts have been late.

OK, on to the final post, the one that's actually due today.

uninspired. dissonant. undeterred.

 I've got 3 blogs to do, and I'm planning on doing them all in quick succession. Expect shorter posts, this blog will cover three weeks ago.

It's hard to remember that far back, I guess my last blog was before school started up again.

Bad news: the professor I signed up for, backed out of teaching my section. The teacher who I ended up with, I do not like. I think they are my least favorite professor thus far with the program, and I already had two professors I was feeling ambivalent about last semester. At least I had one professor I really liked. This semester I have one professor I actively dislike. Not that I dislike them as a person, they seem like a fine human being, it's just a mixture of subtle things that amounts to a nails on chalkboard dissonance being with them. Like the opposite of when you really resonate with someone, "vibe" with them. They feel a bit too intense, they present as a stickler for the rules, plus unforgiving, and they have a salesman like vibe to what they are saying, veering from the objective truth to make what they like seem better and what they don't like seem worse. Perhaps it is just me and some people would really resonate with them. In any case, I'm disappointed and feel powerless. I didn't choose this professor, the professor I chose (who, from talking to other students who still have them, would have been a great fit for me) was taken away from me with no say on my part, and I was foisted onto this one.

There's another professor I have who seems kind of... not phoning it in, that's too strong of a description, but kind of in that direction. She is doing what is required of her, competently and conscientiously, but she doesn't seem enthusiastic about it. That's fine, I don't have any complaints about that, but neither am I inspired.

I considred if I could switch to the other program I looked at, but it is a cohort model, so I don't know if I could jump in part way through, and there's no guarantee that the professors would be better, though it seems likely, due to how they run the program. In this program I kind of feel like a second class citizen, getting the teachers who are left after the best teachers go to the in-person classes.

On the other hand, I don't think the program really makes good counselors, I think that happens after school, when you're in the field. Like with teaching and teachers. So really I just want to get through the program so I can get on to doing the real work required to get good at counseling. This is a whole rant about the ineffectiveness of schooling programs in general, not specific to my school. The bottom line is that to get good at most things, you gotta do a bunch of work on your own and have a good mentor. So I'm trying not to worry too much about my professors.

On the other hand again, I've had a few professors and teachers who have changed my life. Seeking those out is totally worthwhile. Though even so, to become truly excellent at something, it's all about you and the hard work you put in.

OK, post 1, done, 2 to go.

Vision Quest in the world. List of vacation things. All life as a spiritual practice.

 Other things I/we did on vacation: 

- completed a cool 1000 piece puzzle with a supprize ending. (Maybe I'll bring it to a family gathering)

- ate over-priced but decent food

- made food in our hotel room using only a microwave for heat source for more reasonably priced food

- washed dishes in our hotel room while trying not to gunk up the sink

- finished season 2 of Wheel of Time

- dictated holiday cards while feeling very sick

- filled about half a paper shopping bag with used tissues

- watched the sun rise and set on beautiful cliff faces outside our lodge room windows

During the first night of being really sick, I had an interesting experience, as I wasn't able to get comfortable enough to sleep, and didn't have any pills that could help. I was mostly focusing on a mantra and other spiritual focuses, and that was actually quite nice. I only slept an hour or two at the end of the night, but I rested ok, and was in good spirits the next day. It seems like a good sign. It's easy to be focused on spirituality when everything is supportive of it, but if you can continue to focus on it when things are less conductive, that's perhaps a sign that the habit of focus has started to go deeper. I think that is happening in my life. It is a conscious intention. I would like to spiritualize everything in my life.

There's a nice quote from Tom Brown Jr. talking about his Native American teacher he called Grandfather, that goes something like, 'each step he took was a prayer on the earth' and I feel like that is a good attitude to have with life. We have ordinary things we have to do, day to day, to upkeep our lives, our jobs, etc. But those things can be done as an act of devotion and spiritualized. Then one's entire day can eventually be a walking meditation or prayer, regardless of the mundane obligations one has. I'd like to get there.

When I was doing my vision quest... I guess it was two summers ago, at this point, I noticed how easy it was to connect into a deep spiritual awareness, and thought about how that just wasn't possible in the hubbub of everyday life, away from nature and busy with stuff to do. But one of the realizations I had was the namasmarana I do (Namasmarana means basically, remembrance of the name, and looks like repetition of a mantra/name of god, either silently or out loud) was for me the equivalent of a vision quest for the world. It's a way to take the forest with me. Maybe you've heard the term, 'head in the forest, feet in the world.' I think this is a way to do that for me. I've been trying to integrate that practice into my life so that it's automatic, but it hasn't stuck. I think I am making progress towards it though, as I reflect now.

Next blog, I'll be back in the academic game. I really hope I can take some of the lessons learned over the last semester, to work smarter, doing a bit less unnecessary work, and doing my work with a little less care/slowness. I still want to do a good job, but I also have other things than school that are important to me, that I want to give some of my time. Hopefully with some reflection and strategy, I can limit the amount of time I'm spending on school work without negatively affecting my grades or learning outcomes.

OK, the cat is meowing at me for dinner so that's my cue to go. Take care and walk in beauty,

-Isaac

Zion. Water, Fire.

 Alright, we're two weeks back, and some interesting stuff has happened, but I'm also now gearing up for the new semester to start. I'm going to try really hard to be ready this time, which means reading a lot before Tuesday comes around, which means some shorter posts.

Vacation was fun! We flew in to Las Vegas, which really does seem a bit like hell on earth. Right down to the preponderance of advertisements for lawyers on billboards as you drive along the main roads. We saw Mystere, a cirque du soleil performance that was very cool, though not as good as "O", if you're going to see one.

Then we drove to Zion, stopping at the Valley of Fire along the way for a hike. Lots of beauty and majesty. Unfortunately, the second day of hiking in Zion saw me falling into an ice cold river and then getting sick as a dog, and the next few days were mostly me inside, sleeping and then resting. It was still fun though, being cozy with Suzannah, catching up on some shows we hadn't had much time to watch, and enjoying the beautiful views outside our windows. We did some walking right around where we were staying, which was still beautiful. It was a shame we didn't get to take full advantage of Zion, and that I got sick, but a vacation is a vacation. I'm still feeling a bit groggy as my body recovers, sleeping extra, but generally up and running.

OK, I'll save the rest for a second post.

Cat cuddles, blood tests, and spiritual detailing

 I was busy last weekend, so this is for that.

I enjoy cuddling with my cats. I hold them in my lap, or on my shoulder, for Ume who likes to jump up and perch there. Or lean down and nuzzle and pet them when they're hanging out on the couch. It's a special moment to appreciate each other, and something about the sound of purring right up against your ears is very soothing. It's also a nice way to know they love me back. 

I also enjoy cuddling with my wife. Nobody would have known it (except me) before I got a girlfriend, but I'm very much a cuddler. I like physical contact, if you subscribe to the "love languages" idea, one of mine would be physical touch. I'm just taking a moment now to reflect and be grateful that I have the option for that now, in my life, after really not having it very often, for many years. And gratitude that my wife is also a cuddler.

In other news, the spiritual retreat was great. It really feels like taking my care in to get washed, detailed, and tuned up, where the car is my physical, mental, and energetic bodys. I would like to remember to make such occurrences happen on a regular schedule, maybe 4 times a year, as I'd be much happier that way. Maybe two big ones, in summer and winter, and two smaller ones, in fall and spring.

I'm not trying to get as much done as I can in this intervening week, before we leave for a little getaway together. These weeks of vacation are precious time, that won't be available once classes start up. Though hopefully I'll be a little better at homework triage this next semester.

It's not all work though, it's also precious time to connect with friends and family, again, while I have a little more space. Though at some point, it gets as full as when I had classes, with all the things I'm trying to cram into it, and I don't want that crowded feeling during my vacation times as well, so I'll try and keep it mellow.

One of the things I'm trying to get rolling is stuff for my health. I've finally connected with a really good doctor, and am starting to set up appointments for a thorough set of tests, something I haven't had time to think about for a while. From there, I can start working on my health, both preventative, and hopefully also actively, to boost my energy and focus.

That's all for now!

Take care, be well, cherish your loved ones,

-Isaac

Preparations. Velocity without hurry.

 A few days of chilling, and now it's back to working with focus. But now, it's working on stuff that's (mostly) non-school related. Cleaning the house, preparing for spiritual retreat, taking care of odds and ends. I'm grateful for the time to do so. Cleaning while listening to books on tape, catching up on various important to-do's, with focus but without rush, feels quite nice. I want more of it. And I'll get a bit more of it, I think, during the rest of the break, before classes start up again.

I leave early tomorrow morning, so I've got a fair bit of time sensitive stuff to do for the trip, and some things I want to get done before the trip, so that's what today looks like. Then I'm off to get my spiritual batteries recharged. Maybe a general tune-up.

I'm hoping I'll get my course syllabi soon so I can start reading ahead a bit to get a head start on course work while I'm relaxed and time-rich.

Speaking of which, it strikes me that being time-rich, once basic needs are met, seems even better than being money-rich. And perhaps even rarer. And even rarer still, is being aware of how precious time is, and using it well and with proper savoring and enjoyment.

OK, I'm off to the races.  But not too fast ;-)

-I Out

Essential.

 Well, I did it. I really did. I still have a final draft of a paper due Friday, but I've submitted my semi-final draft into the writing center for an edit, and there's nothing more for me to do now but wait, and then do a not-too-long final pass once I get it back. Even if they say there's a lot of work to be done, I really don't care, I'm just going to do a quick editing pass, change things that really have to be changed.

I'm pretty clear that I want to do counseling, but I continue to be iffy about the how. Part of me wishes I'd chosen the other, more expensive counseling program. The teachers I've had have been very mixed, and the classes themselves have been very mixed. But honestly, I just need the certification. I'll have to learn to be good, on my own. Or better, find someone who can be a good mentor for me. And I've got a few people I can think of that might be willing and able to do that for me.

What I've really got to worry about is getting a decent internship, since that really will be an opportunity to learn a lot, along with a good supervisor. I should probably start looking around for that now.

I don't think counseling is unique in this respect. In any field you go into, there are people who really care about being excellent, and then there's a lot of people being good enough for most things, and some barely acceptable people. It's not the school you go to, or your schooling, that makes you one or the other. It's how you approach your work, how much you strive for excellence.

But man, I find that disappointing. It's been my pet project for a while, to create education that actually follows good pedagogy, along with good common sense, and good humanity. There is such a dearth of it. And I think it's because everybody is going 150 miles per hour with their hair on fire, trying to prop up a falling down burning building, that nobody has the bandwidth for the careful consideration necessary to think through and implement these things in a good way. It's all just bandaids. Maybe that's what's going on with our whole government. Everyone is moving so quickly, they keep making things worse, and feeling like they have to move even more quickly.

I'm currently thinking about a personal philosophy that I want to call "Essentialism" about doing what is really important, and putting a cap on all the other stuff. A limit. Not wasting time, money, energy, etc. This is not a new idea, nor is it my idea, but it feels like an important idea for me, for now. And probably for a lot of people. Our consumer, more is better, rush culture is making us all sick, making the earth sick. It doesn't lead to lasting happiness or satisfaction, it seems to lead to emptiness and waste and anxiety and depression.

What does make us happy is love, connection to others, time to savor and feel gratitude, being of service, using our gifts, being in nature and relation and reality. And yes, play, and creativity and beauty. But that doesn't have to be gotten via having lots of stuff.

As I sit in a room full of stuff that is waiting to be organized, I am made extremely aware that the having of lots of stuff comes at a steep price. It takes away your time. It takes away your peace of mind. It takes away your attention.

It's not a good idea to try and 'do all the things.' Because your time is limited and non-replenishable, and there is not enough of it to do all the things. You can only do a very few of the things. So rather than just going down the list, trying to do them all, it would be better to single out the most important ones, and do those first.

Do what's important, and let go of the rest. Have what's important, let go of the rest. I think that's kind of the idea of essentialism for me. 

"Important" is a very nebulous term, and the actual practice of doing this in a good way seems like something that could take a while to figure out. How to decide what's important. How to do this in a way that brings joy, and isn't just another way to feel shamed or like something is wrong with you or like you need to give up all the things that make you happy.

I'm pretty sure there's already a book called "essentialism" so maybe I add a subtitle to give a bit more meaning. Maybe "Essentialism: practical philosophy for joy and peace" or something like that to give the flavor.

In any case, I'm not really trying to sell anything, this is the philosophy and practice that I want to integrate into my own life, for my own joy and peace.

-I Out