It's raining it's pouring, the old man is writing grad school application essays.

We have moved! The new house is really nice. It is also a chaos of boxes everywhere. Also, I'm applying to graduate school now for the fall semester, so I don't have lots of time to sort things into their proper places, so it's staying chaotic. Also, I'm going to France in two weeks, so that too. When it rains it pours, though all the rain is good rain.

Yes, graduate school in counseling. I've got plenty of voices nay-saying about it in my own head, but I don't have time to explicate on them today. Honestly, it seems like a really good fit. I work well with people in intimate, one-on-one settings, and I like doing it. I've already tested this and know it. Unlike with being a classroom teacher, which was a bit of an unknown and turned out to be not my cup of tea. In any case, I've still got time to mull it over before I commit, but if I want the opportunity at all, I need to act now and swiftly. 

I could theoretically just hang up my shingle and be an uncertified life-coach and teacher of positive values, and if the schooling is part time, which I hope it is, I can still pursue that as I'm getting certified, but the certification has a lot of benefits. I can reach more people and get more useful theory, practice and experience. I can work more places, I can take insurance for some of the things I'm interested in doing, and I can feel confident that I'm working with people in accordance with the best information science has to say on the matter.

In any case, decide later, do now, is the order of the day. And so with that I leave you to go back to my work. Maybe I'll write another of these soon, as this one was for last week.

Decision. Action. More action. A lot more action. OK maybe a little bit too much action.

 The weather is crazy here. It's going from 70's to 30's from one day to the next. It's beautiful and magical, with spring new green leaves and grass, redbuds and pear blossoms and all sorts of flowers and baby tree leaves coming out. And then there was sleet the other day, and winds strong enough to blow around our deck furniture.

I may have a direction picked out for what I'll be doing next. Which would be handy, as I'd given myself until my trip to France to get that figured out to some basic level. I still feel like keeping it close to the chest for now, but I'm working on something.

Also: only a month or so until France! Also: we're moving! Moving is a lot of work, and exhausting. We don't have any definite deadline, and it's only across town, so, significantly less exhausting. But still quite a lot, especially with also planning France, my secret project, finishing up taxes, and wrapping up my weekend volunteer classes, keeping up with learning French, keeping up with the ongoing class I'm doing, and trying to stay somewhat organized (I've postponed any new habit installations or secondary projects for the time being, as I've got enough to deal with for the next two months, just taking care of the bare minimum necessary projects.) But it feels good! I've got my direction. So I guess now everything can happen all at once :D

This is a short post, for obvious reasons.

Take care, with love,

-Isaac

Long post. iPad, traveling, philosophers vs. engineers. "What makes the good life?"

I’m writing these both on my iPad as I drive (get driven, more accurately) to the airport, to head back to Iowa.

It’s interesting marrying someone from a less affluent background. I think it gives both of us a bit of a prod, in terms of growing. My wife grew up a bit jealous of the wealthy people around her, and sometimes judgmental about the way some of the wealthy people behaved, not being respectful to the people who served them, acting entitled, and often not working hard, yet having so much, which seemed unfair to her.

Funny thing is, as a youth I also had these same judgments about wealthy people, which was extra uncomfortable, since I realized that included me. Few things rankle a person as much as having someone else point out a fault in them that they already know about and are bothered by.

I’m very empathic and aware of what’s going on in other people, so try as she might, I’m usually aware of when my wife’s judgments about wealth are directed at me. She’s always apologetic and I think she would stop if she were able to just turn it off, but alas, it is not that easy. Also she might be justified in her judgments of me 😅

I grew up with a grandfather that started off kind of poor, worked really hard, and through a lot of investing luck along with work and thoughtfulness became wealthy. And then a direct family that was able to work less hard because of that. So I got both messages internalized. 'Work hard' and 'you don’t need to work so hard.' In terms of habits, the one's I ended up acquiring were not hard-work habits. They were take it easy habits. But I also had the 'work hard' messaging, so there was a lot of guilt.

Ultimately, through the lens of reason, I came to the conclusion that it was my duty to give back to the society that had given me so much. It also resonated with my thoughts as a child. Society had problems, people were unhappy, there was a lot that could be fixed and made better, so I should try and do that.

It also resonates with my spiritual beliefs, which go something like this: all is God. To serve man (or woman, or animal, or plant…) is to serve God. I also wanted to express my gratitude, and I believe selfless service is an important part of spiritual practice. Also, an important element of a happy, meaningful life. Science agrees. So overall, at least intellectually I'm in favor of working hard in service to others. Which makes my actions when I chill and take it easy cause cognitive dissonance.

Speaking of science, I’m reading through some books in the positive psychology field. It’s nice to see which techniques are backed up by science and some of the nuance behind what works and what doesn’t. Which the good scientists make sure to highlight, as opposed to the pop-psychology, self-help book-salesmen type people, who tend to gloss over the important details and nuance, ultimately making for catchy-er and less useful information, as well as just plain wrong stuff, since they don't really care about being accurate. Currently I’m reading a book called “Flourish” by Martin Seligman. He wrote a book called “Authentic Happiness” about positive psychology, but then revised his thinking to include more than just “happiness.” Let’s see if I can remember what the acronym stands for… PERMA

Purpose (beyond self), Emotions (positive ones), Relationships, Mastery, Accomplishment. That’s his collection of things that people pursue for their own sake, if my memory serves. I’ve only begun the book, so there’s probably more to it than that.

Anyhoo, I’ve been thinking about what makes for a satisfying life. I think I’ve heard the phrases, “the pleasant life” along with “the meaningful life” and maybe one more. But ultimately, it has to do with oneself, with what you want, I guess. But what do you want, really? And maybe it’s not just that, since science says we are often terrible at predicting what will make us happy. I guess this is why philosophers have been talking about it forever.

And though I don't have a satisfying conclusion or solution, at least I'm in good company, as the various smarty-pants philosophers all seem to have taken their own stab at "what makes the good life" but either none of them has figured it out, or at the least, none has been able to reliably impart the answer, or we'd have a lot more people who felt like they were living the good life. This is eventually what soured me on most philosophy: the fact that people were still miserable, and so for all their thinking and writing, they hadn't actually solved anybody's problems. Maybe it's more complicated than that, like a theoretical physicist that makes important discoveries, but requires an engineer or such to make something practical out of it. At some point I decided it was time to try actually making something out of all the theory, and it was at that point that I started discovering that a lot of the smart sounding philosophy was actually not useful in practice, or even worse, made one less happy. Some of it was helpful, and that's what I've kept, but it's by no means complete.

Going to end now, this post has dragged on long enough, and I don't have a punch-y solution, which I'd probably be required to come up with out of some orifice if I was writing this for someone who wanted to earn money from it. Glad I'm not!

I Out   ;-)

Addendum

Last week's post:

I wanted to make an addendum to my previous post, in case I seemed overly critical. A wise teacher of mine taught me to respect religions and that they were valid pathways to God and living a good and righteous life. And I believe it. I used to be an angst-y judgmental teenager that thought religions were dumb. But I’ve since come to respect them. There is a lot of wisdom in them and beneficial structure. Socially, spiritually, virtuously. However, I have not changed my mind that they have to be approached critically.

I believe the founders of the religion had genuine, profound spiritual experiences, that they tried their best to convey, and well thought out traditions, to maintain a strong and healthy societal/community structure. I also believe that those religious leaders that came after them were a mixed bag, some great, some not. And things have been added or interpreted that I just wouldn’t agree with, even if they were explained by the originators/interpreters of some particular tradition that was added or changed later on. And likely other things that I would agree with, in the initial implementation, but which have subsequently been interpreted in a way I don’t agree with.

I think it’s my obligation to test what’s in the religion against my own moral compass, and if it doesn’t pass the test, then I go with what seems morally correct. Also, I see religion as a way to get near to God. I think often religion is used more as a social and cultural glue/structure. Which is fine and I think is part of its purpose. But that is of less interest to me personally.

OK, disclaimer done. Perhaps that should be my first post, and I’ll just continue on to the next right now.

Break week, Freedom, Gods.

This is last week's post. But now it is this week! The tyranny of time! I just had a very busy weekend, preparing an interactive story, puzzle, adventure...thing, for my weekend volunteer class. It's getting towards the end of the year, so we decided to do a fun summation activity, pulling in things we've learned throughout the year. Unfortunately, I had to write it, pack, and spend time with my wife's family that was only overlapping with us being in town for that one day, so it was extremely full, I didn't finish packing until about 10 Saturday night, and then I didn't finish working on the 'script' for the adventure until most of the way through the day of traveling yesterday. I was tweaking things right up until it started.

So now I'm taking a breath. Back in Connecticut, for Passover. I slept for like ten hours last night. Something about traveling. You're mostly sitting but it still manages to be exhausting. Perhaps because you're sitting so much. I notice when I sit at the computer for an hour + without really moving, I feel significantly worse than if I get up every 15-30 minutes just to move for a few moments. When I remember, I set a little app on my phone to ding every 15 minutes to remind me to at least stand up for a second. It makes an unexpectedly large difference. Even more so if I actually take the time to move for a minute after standing. It can be hard to pull myself away from what I'm doing though. Sometimes I keep reading when I stand up, I just walk around a bit with my laptop.

Anyways, there is a lot to do, but I'm kind of already in the 'creating activities for kids' mode, so when my parents were talking about how to make Passover fun for the kids, it made me start thinking. Thematic games, stories, etc. Currently, I'm thinking about the story of Passover. It's really got a lot to do with freedom, doesn't it. Freedom and slavery. But it's also a spring-equinox-adjacent holiday, so there are some tones of the spring harvest and rebirth themes of the season. 

I also always have a kind of sour-faced reaction to the fire and brimstone, rock and roll depiction of God that you often get in the Old Testament. I don't agree with the idea of an omnipresent, omnipotent God who gets angry and smites people and plays favorites. 

My God is love and compassion and peace and unity. My God is one with many faces, and accepts all peoples religions and ways of worshiping, they're all approved of, provided they do not damage that flame of unity. And even if they do, it's that part that's not good, not the whole thing. 

So the message of "our God is the right one, he beat up the other people's Gods, and killed their people, because they didn't choose the right religion" is distasteful to me, as is, "we prayed to God to gangster our enemies so did." 

Bad things happen to people, but I guess I just find the karmic perspective more palatable than some omnipotent being that happens to behave like an angry, jealous, prejudiced person. Maybe there are forces that smite out of anger or because you ask them too, but I don't acknowledge them as God. It creates a bit of dissonance, when reading about it at the seder. I try to figure out what I think might have actually been going on, but I don't have the resources to do that with any degree of certainty, or even probability.

I should end this now, lots of other stuff to get done, (and another post to make, for this week.)

Silence, Awareness, Simplicity

Sorry for this post being late.

I feel like I am on the edge of something new. Like a leaning out over a cliff edge with waves crashing far below. The sea wind blowing on me, about to leap off and fly or fall into something new and big and powerful.

Right now I am acutely aware of the power of focus and awareness. I'm starting to notice something. During certain times like as I get ready for bed or sometimes in the middle of the day when I get off track from my tasks, or when I start quietly, (much more quietly than in the past,) berating myself for getting distracted or for giving into temptation, there is something I can do. If I am aware while this is going on, or even partway through, I can learn and make different choices in the moment and different choices the next time I'm in a similar situation.

I'm feeling the urgency and the importance of simplicity. This ties in with focus and it ties in with action. When I don't have simplicity it becomes hard to focus and it becomes hard to take action, especially meaningful action, on what's important to me. It's hard to have clarity; clarity of purpose, and related, clarity on what is actually important to be doing right now.

Somewhat ironically, going slower actually allows me to have this awareness and return to this focus, which then lets me be far more productive, get more important things done. But I think also, more things done, period. Any things.

I'm getting more and more aware of the way I sabotage myself or distract myself or get sidetracked, and what I can do about that.

The awareness opens new avenues. For example, why do I keep going to bed late? Sometimes it's because I feel a little lonely and unfulfilled. Sometimes it's because there is something that I want to do, some loop to close, that is itching at me. If that is consciously recognized and accepted, than I can either find a healthy way to meet that need: maybe talk or cuddle with Suzannah, or read/listen to something uplifting, if I need comfort and warmth. Or, recognize my compulsion as unnecessary, and let it go, if that's it. Or even recognize my feelings of guilt or unworthiness, if I'm giving myself a hard time, and forgive myself, or practice self-compassion, or remind myself of some other bit of wisdom or inspiration.

These are all habits that hold me back, and with patient awareness, I am slowly replacing them with much more healthy, helpful, and loving habits.

Suzannah is away for the week on a business trip, and it's been an opportunity for more quiet introspection and awareness than usual. And, it's much easier to go off the rails when I'm alone, so it is an added layer of challenge, and an added amount of negative patterns etc. that is coming to light to be seen.

I'm into it! :D

So, that's what's up for now.

Take care and much love ^_^

-Isaac

3,2,1, add more weight and drain fuel tanks? Training wheels. Streamlining.

 I'm doing some very simple things these days, but I'm doing them well, and learning a lot from it.

For example, my main objective is plowing through my inbox backlog. Simple enough. Is it really necessary? No, it's not essential for my life and well-being. HOWEVER, it is somewhat a prerequisite for my organizational and task-management system. I need to trust that my journal has all my important tasks on it. I can't be worried that there's an important one lurking somewhere amidst the giant stack of papers I've accumulated. And I need to know that any relevant thinking on the various projects I'm working on, is findable, in the project support folder/notebook I've got for that project. And that the various reference documents I have, are where I expect them to be. I searched for a half an hour yesterday, looking for something, because I wasn't sure where it was. That's a huge waste of time, and it's solvable without a huge time upkeep investment, if I just have a simple to use system where everything has a clearly designated space.

And, that task management system, which is pretty simple really, even though it is not complete, is already really helpful. My stress levels are significantly down, and my focus and productivity are significantly up. More than that, it's actually fun most of the time.

Having clearly designated goals, and getting to track them and check them off and see progress being made on them, is freaking awesome. Having an up to date calendar that I can trust, so I know I'm not missing important events, is relaxing.

My goal, of going through and purging, organizing, simplifying, all my piles of 'stuff' is a rather large goal, but I'm making steady progress on it, while keeping up with more time-sensitive demands and general day-to-day upkeep. I feel like the inbox processing task is kind of a great 'training wheels' for me. It's relatively simple, nice and easy to track (today was a record 114 items from my inbox processed) and plentiful (though I've only got about 24 more pieces of paper left in my small papers inbox, I've got a fair bit more in my large papers inbox, and maybe 30 notebooks/journals to skim through as well. Not sure how I'm going to handle those yet so I don't get sucked down rabbit holes...).

So I get to practice. I get to practice, making sure I'm making progress on my main project every day, while balancing ongoing demands. I get to practice refining my systems, my daily routine, etc., while the task itself is nice and easy. And, this project is foundational to almost all future projects. It is my 'project managing software' so to speak, though it's mostly analoge in notebooks. Once that is up and running nicely, it will mean all future projects are then easier to manage, focus on, and complete.

After this one are a few others that I've got lined up that make sense to handle first: after clearing up and organizing my 'external mind' so to speak, next is clearing up and organizing my phyisical environment. It shouldn't take as long as the first time I did it, but I still seem to have accumulated a lot of stuff, and I think I'll feel better with the stuff I'm not actually using, gone. It will certainly result in less work for me, moving it, keeping it organized, finding places to store it, etc. And will make it much easier to have a beautiful, clean, orderly space to work in, which will make any future work I do in that space more pleasant, focused, etc.

Another super important part of this is that the less stuff I have, the less work it is to keep it organized. I have no illusions that this is the least busy I'm going to be in a while. Kids and whatever my career shapes up to be are going to take up a lot of time and energy. What I'm doing now is trying to get my systems and most especially, my habits, in place, so maintaining order is not something I have to put willpower into, but is just a habit that happens on autopilot. I tried doing this while I was teaching, back in Texas, but there was just no way to find the time or energy to do it while juggling a 10 hour a day job that left me totally drained and exhausted by the end of it. Now is my golden window of opportunity.

A neat, clean slate, in terms of my task/project management system and physical 'stuff'/environment, and the time to ingrain habits that will keep it that way, the same way I brush my teeth and go for my morning run.

After that, I think I'll take some time to refine how I take notes. I'm planning on teaching a lot of things, and the way I go about learning and recording what I learn, are what will determine the quality of what I create and teach. Learning how to learn I've already started on a while ago, but how I record information for easy retrieval could use some love, and I already have some ideas for how to do that which I'm excited to implement.

While I'm learning that though, I need something I'll actually be learning on, something I'm taking notes on, and I've got at least two projects lined up, which will serve much the same purpose as this inbox processing is currently doing. I will learn and create, and as I do so I'll refine how I learn and create.

And of course, while doing that, I'll be creating some of the things I want to be creating, what I want to be doing, as work!

This is ambitions. Probably the next two months, I'd estimate? Maybe more. It ain't gonna be done in two weeks. But I am chugging along and it's starting to feel great.

Attention! Don't shoot me down right now, I'm like a tender shoot. I need encouragement, not critique. Save critique for once I've got momentum and confidence and am more firmly established. Motivation can be a delicate thing sometimes.

Sprouting enthusiastically,

-I