I remember saying that I might need to post just a sentence or two on some weeks, when I was especially busy. I liked that better than skipping altogether, because even a few minutes can keep up a habit that otherwise starts to degrade.
Also, I think I said at some point that you can tell how busy I am by how late the posts are. I'm not sure that's totally accurate. Maybe how scatter-brained or out of my routine I'm getting...
I'm always pushing myself towards greater growth. Stagnation is death, in my mind. If you are an immortal soul, there is no death as such, but to exist without really living is as close as you can get. Even that's not a big deal, eventually we'll all get where we're going, and then continue on to even better things, (I think.) But if anything matters it's that: how is your path, how is your growth, how is your life, moment to moment.
Not so much, 'is it pleasurable,' which has little to do with general life satisfaction, but 'is it good?' Are you doing what feels right, are you engaged in meaningful work, with purpose beyond self?
My current project is getting better at using my down-time more productively. I do want some of that to be relaxing and rejuvenating--time with friends, playing, having fun. But I also want much more of it to be something engaging and productive. Fun hobbies rather than passive things. Checking off tasks from my lists. Engaging in work that is different from what I've been doing during the week, and thus rejuvenating. Planning and preparing for the week, so it's more successful and less stressful. Engaging in revitalizing spiritual activities, that let me recuperate, purify, and grow.
This appears to be quite a challenging undertaking, there are lots of moving parts to it. Lots of lessons to learn, lots of mistakes to make, before I've figured it out to a satisfactory degree.
I've made some progress, but I need more, and the biggest immediate challenge is feeling kind of burnt-out by the end of the day, and the end of the week. I need a way to effectively refresh myself, and then switch back into an active gear. I'm pretty sure it can be done without too much fuss. I think the burnout is mostly mental, (and emotional) so the solution can be mostly mental. I may just need a different approach or perspective.
In any case, working on that. Got kind of sick this week, feeling better now. (that also likely delayed the post, my brain gets fuzzy when I get sick, and I forget things.)
Also, I'm off from my super-rigorous wake-up routine. I feel like, it's so much extra energy and requires all my mental acuity, when I'm learning this whole new job, that I can't afford to be tired. Also, being tired means my emotional buffer is weaker, and I definitely get emotionally buffeted by the job. So all that means I sometimes get up at 6, or occasionally even 7, rather than 5. It makes me a bit sad, I love getting up that early, and I hope to get back to it, but I may have to work more on consistency with my bedtime, rather than just muscling through it, like I previously did.
I didn't have the... not sure what to call it... mental, emotional... maturity to do that previously, in that I'd get really down on myself for not going to bed on time, and that would just send me into a tailspin, and I'd give up. Now I am gentler on myself and more hopeful and thus persistent. And patient. I don't know if I've gotten wiser or just mellowed with age, probably both.
OK, bye for now. Be well ^_^
-Isaac
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