I'm noticing, as I stretch myself towards being more productive, especially on the weekends, more awareness is bleeding into my life. I start clicking on some digital rabbit-hole, and I notice, "ah, this is the starting point, I'm beginning down the slippery slope." Or I'm home after work, and I notice I'm feeling not just exhausted, but maybe sad, or worried, or overwhelmed. Just noticing that, allows me to take some quiet time to acknowledge the feelings, and then either let them go, or take care of myself in some way.
Also, I recently read, from one of my favorite spiritual luminaries, that the way to fight the attachments of mind and senses, is reason. For some reason, this time I heard it, it sunk in more deeply, and I've been using reason every now and then, when something comes up. It's often very effective. A conversation might go like this:
"I really wanna stay up later, and play more games."
"The enjoyment you get from that will end literally the second you finish playing the game. The enjoyment your expecting will last for a while, is an inaccurate prediction of the future. Scientifically it's been proven that this kind of thing does not change your overall happiness set-point, or satisfaction with life. And you feel off when you have to get up really late, and that does negatively affect your whole day."
Sometimes it's much simpler than that even, just, "that's not actually going to make you any more satisfied, you'll be right back where you stated the second it's over, or more likely, feeling even worse."
This is not always true, and some fun is good, but there is a point of diminishing returns.
I'm also getting more efficient with online shopping. I often spend an inordinate amount of time, researching the best whatever to get. I'm instead, doing a little bit of research, and then relying on intuition to pick something relatively quickly. This saves TREMENDOUS time, and so far has worked out very well, especially since part of what I use the intuition for is whether the thingamabob is actually something that will be meaningfully useful to me. Usually it's not, but I often would research it, trying to figure out if it would be.
There is an art, to figuring out what to use reason and intellect for, and what to use intuition for. Often we try and use intellect for choices where we don't' have enough information to make a well reasoned choice. Or we have so much information that we go into overload paralysis.
One other thing I'm playing with, is taking just a second or two, before any action that might be challenging, or just whenever I remember, to reconnect to God (Spirit, Self) as I symbolically represent him (her/it). It's been super helpful for me, both emotionally and practically. I'm less stressed about things, and I perform tasks more efficiently. (Probably related effects.)
I think this is related to the advice from the Bhagavad Gita I love so much, 'surrender the fruits of action to me, dedicate all acts to me, allow me to act through you, and I will take on the burden of the karma of those acts, and the outcomes.' (that's very much a paraphrase)
Also, I've been playing with conversational prayer.
It's interesting, I've always been fascinated how so much good spiritual advice can be explained psychologically. It's nice, because you can access a wider audience with these useful skills, by explaining it via different paradigms, even though the fundamental act that you're doing is just about the same.
Anyways, conversational prayer is, as I heard it described, like writing a letter home to mom, from your boarding school. You just talk about what's going on, the ups and downs, fears and hopes, and send love. Something about actually writing a letter to God can be even more powerful, but I've been finding just having a conversation with an unconditionally loving and accepting dear friend, is really helpful. It's soothing, helps me get my thoughts in order, and can be a relief, just like talking with a human friend. I wonder if really believing someone is listening is important? I suspect so... But perhaps if your not the religious type, you could choose any great person you look up to as a beacon of light and wisdom. As long as you can imagine and feeling it, and suspend disbelief, I think it should be possible, just like we are deeply moved by some stories, even though we know intellectually they aren't real.
OK, back to work. My main task for this weekend is just collecting the vast assortment of homework I have due for my Montessori training. There are the specific observation assignments I'll need to be doing when I visit the various schools I'm observing at (finally got that all sorted out, dates and plane tickets, yay for that being done). Then I've got the pretty huge task of the final week of homework from last summer, due at the beginning of next summer, which will probably end up being a google doc of over a hundred pages, if my previous weeks assignments are any indication. And then I have several smaller assignments, some readings and materials and presentations that are due, and some materials I need to order. And there might be more. That's why I need to double check, and get everything in one place where I can see, so I can figure out how to pace myself.
Then next weekend, I think I'll try and tackle my taxes.
This weekend was... a mixture of efficient and inefficient. I got a bunch done in the morning, which is my winning strategy, but I was hoping to keep going with the productivity into the afternoon, and instead I got distracted down a few rabbit holes. Some of which were at least moderately productive, or very entertaining. I keep thinking, "Oh, I can just do this for a second" and I keep being wrong. At least these, days, I can be amused about that, rather than depressed. Because I have hope. Because I know I can just try again the next day, the next weekend.
And Sunday isn't really a day off for me, so it's not hard to be productive. I have to be, I'm teaching a class in the afternoon. (And the uncompleted tasks for the coming week are starting to itch in my brain.)
Oh, my aunt made me some hot chocolate on a cold snowy day. That was a highlight. And as always, games and pizza with friends Friday night. I think that is perhaps the highlight of my week: not only do I get to hang out with some of my best, long-time friends. I get to do things I love, making and eating food together, playing games, laughing, chatting. AND, it is the very beginning of the weekend. The stresses and responsibilities of work are furthest away, and I can pretend for a little bit that I am on vacation. I'm not going to have any length of vacation for another year and half, since summers are my Ph.D level intensity Montessori training, breaks are when I'll do observations or student teaching, and any other big chunks of time are for working on the backlog of homework that's due.
But I think I'm OK with it. I'm trying to pace myself so I don't burn out, and I believe everything that happens to me has a benevolent intelligence to it. Hopefully by being persistently busy, I will get into the habit of it, so when I don't have as many externally imposed things to do, I will still keep happily busy during my breaks and off time. I am happiest when I'm engaged with meaningful work, but I don't have the habit of always doing that, without external pressures. So I feel gratitude, even for that.
Be warm, be happy,
-Isaac
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