Cat cuddles, blood tests, and spiritual detailing

 I was busy last weekend, so this is for that.

I enjoy cuddling with my cats. I hold them in my lap, or on my shoulder, for Ume who likes to jump up and perch there. Or lean down and nuzzle and pet them when they're hanging out on the couch. It's a special moment to appreciate each other, and something about the sound of purring right up against your ears is very soothing. It's also a nice way to know they love me back. 

I also enjoy cuddling with my wife. Nobody would have known it (except me) before I got a girlfriend, but I'm very much a cuddler. I like physical contact, if you subscribe to the "love languages" idea, one of mine would be physical touch. I'm just taking a moment now to reflect and be grateful that I have the option for that now, in my life, after really not having it very often, for many years. And gratitude that my wife is also a cuddler.

In other news, the spiritual retreat was great. It really feels like taking my care in to get washed, detailed, and tuned up, where the car is my physical, mental, and energetic bodys. I would like to remember to make such occurrences happen on a regular schedule, maybe 4 times a year, as I'd be much happier that way. Maybe two big ones, in summer and winter, and two smaller ones, in fall and spring.

I'm not trying to get as much done as I can in this intervening week, before we leave for a little getaway together. These weeks of vacation are precious time, that won't be available once classes start up. Though hopefully I'll be a little better at homework triage this next semester.

It's not all work though, it's also precious time to connect with friends and family, again, while I have a little more space. Though at some point, it gets as full as when I had classes, with all the things I'm trying to cram into it, and I don't want that crowded feeling during my vacation times as well, so I'll try and keep it mellow.

One of the things I'm trying to get rolling is stuff for my health. I've finally connected with a really good doctor, and am starting to set up appointments for a thorough set of tests, something I haven't had time to think about for a while. From there, I can start working on my health, both preventative, and hopefully also actively, to boost my energy and focus.

That's all for now!

Take care, be well, cherish your loved ones,

-Isaac

Preparations. Velocity without hurry.

 A few days of chilling, and now it's back to working with focus. But now, it's working on stuff that's (mostly) non-school related. Cleaning the house, preparing for spiritual retreat, taking care of odds and ends. I'm grateful for the time to do so. Cleaning while listening to books on tape, catching up on various important to-do's, with focus but without rush, feels quite nice. I want more of it. And I'll get a bit more of it, I think, during the rest of the break, before classes start up again.

I leave early tomorrow morning, so I've got a fair bit of time sensitive stuff to do for the trip, and some things I want to get done before the trip, so that's what today looks like. Then I'm off to get my spiritual batteries recharged. Maybe a general tune-up.

I'm hoping I'll get my course syllabi soon so I can start reading ahead a bit to get a head start on course work while I'm relaxed and time-rich.

Speaking of which, it strikes me that being time-rich, once basic needs are met, seems even better than being money-rich. And perhaps even rarer. And even rarer still, is being aware of how precious time is, and using it well and with proper savoring and enjoyment.

OK, I'm off to the races.  But not too fast ;-)

-I Out

Essential.

 Well, I did it. I really did. I still have a final draft of a paper due Friday, but I've submitted my semi-final draft into the writing center for an edit, and there's nothing more for me to do now but wait, and then do a not-too-long final pass once I get it back. Even if they say there's a lot of work to be done, I really don't care, I'm just going to do a quick editing pass, change things that really have to be changed.

I'm pretty clear that I want to do counseling, but I continue to be iffy about the how. Part of me wishes I'd chosen the other, more expensive counseling program. The teachers I've had have been very mixed, and the classes themselves have been very mixed. But honestly, I just need the certification. I'll have to learn to be good, on my own. Or better, find someone who can be a good mentor for me. And I've got a few people I can think of that might be willing and able to do that for me.

What I've really got to worry about is getting a decent internship, since that really will be an opportunity to learn a lot, along with a good supervisor. I should probably start looking around for that now.

I don't think counseling is unique in this respect. In any field you go into, there are people who really care about being excellent, and then there's a lot of people being good enough for most things, and some barely acceptable people. It's not the school you go to, or your schooling, that makes you one or the other. It's how you approach your work, how much you strive for excellence.

But man, I find that disappointing. It's been my pet project for a while, to create education that actually follows good pedagogy, along with good common sense, and good humanity. There is such a dearth of it. And I think it's because everybody is going 150 miles per hour with their hair on fire, trying to prop up a falling down burning building, that nobody has the bandwidth for the careful consideration necessary to think through and implement these things in a good way. It's all just bandaids. Maybe that's what's going on with our whole government. Everyone is moving so quickly, they keep making things worse, and feeling like they have to move even more quickly.

I'm currently thinking about a personal philosophy that I want to call "Essentialism" about doing what is really important, and putting a cap on all the other stuff. A limit. Not wasting time, money, energy, etc. This is not a new idea, nor is it my idea, but it feels like an important idea for me, for now. And probably for a lot of people. Our consumer, more is better, rush culture is making us all sick, making the earth sick. It doesn't lead to lasting happiness or satisfaction, it seems to lead to emptiness and waste and anxiety and depression.

What does make us happy is love, connection to others, time to savor and feel gratitude, being of service, using our gifts, being in nature and relation and reality. And yes, play, and creativity and beauty. But that doesn't have to be gotten via having lots of stuff.

As I sit in a room full of stuff that is waiting to be organized, I am made extremely aware that the having of lots of stuff comes at a steep price. It takes away your time. It takes away your peace of mind. It takes away your attention.

It's not a good idea to try and 'do all the things.' Because your time is limited and non-replenishable, and there is not enough of it to do all the things. You can only do a very few of the things. So rather than just going down the list, trying to do them all, it would be better to single out the most important ones, and do those first.

Do what's important, and let go of the rest. Have what's important, let go of the rest. I think that's kind of the idea of essentialism for me. 

"Important" is a very nebulous term, and the actual practice of doing this in a good way seems like something that could take a while to figure out. How to decide what's important. How to do this in a way that brings joy, and isn't just another way to feel shamed or like something is wrong with you or like you need to give up all the things that make you happy.

I'm pretty sure there's already a book called "essentialism" so maybe I add a subtitle to give a bit more meaning. Maybe "Essentialism: practical philosophy for joy and peace" or something like that to give the flavor.

In any case, I'm not really trying to sell anything, this is the philosophy and practice that I want to integrate into my own life, for my own joy and peace.

-I Out

Crunch Time.

OK, this one is for this week. I'm in serious trouble. I have a LOT of things due over the next week and a half. Two papers, a video recording, and two presentations. I rage at the lack of pedagogical intelligence. Maybe I should be a college professor so I can 'do it right' or else have some compassion for how hard it is to 'do it right' in practice.

In any case, that is my life for the next week and a half. Though unfortunately it's also when I need to figure out my healthcare, so I've got at least one non-school thing that I don't have the option to ignore. And there are various ongoing meetings and responsibilities that keep requiring time every week and I can't just pause until I'm less busy. But as much as possible, I'm cutting out anything extraneous. Including long blog posts.

Hopefully when I post next it will all be over and I'll have a chance to relax and decompress.

Love,

I

Thanksgiving, gratitude, love in action. Short one.

 OK, I'm writing this Monday Nov. 27th, which is a week late for this post. But I really don't have much time for blog posts, let alone two. So both these will be quick.

Thanksgiving: Suzannah was amazing, she was working full throttle for two days straight, and a fair bit of time before that, cooking, organizing, cleaning, to get things ready. I really admire her dedication to family. All that she was doing was, I think, a kind of gift to her family, creating space and time for warmth and togetherness. Other people cooked stuff as well and contributed, but she really did the lion's share. I'm glad I had the week off from school so I could help and support, because it was a lot.

I think it's good to admire your partner, so I'm grateful I've got a partner I really admire. She's got a big heart and puts her values of love and family into action.

It was nice to get a little break from school. Though I probably should have been working full throttle on the assignments coming up. Now I'm in trouble.

That's all for this one I think.

-I Out 

Time and recreation, positive and negative.

This week feels a bit like just continuing a line that was already started previously. Working on papers, reading textbooks supporting a friend. It's been a bit lighter on papers, so I've had some time to clean things up a bit in the house, have some fun with Suzannah, and finish assembling IKEA stuff. It feels very nice. I would like more please.

That said, after I finish this, I'm going to go back to paper writing, due this weekend, and then classes until 6:30, followed by more paper writing and classes tomorrow. However, it is a step down in busyness from the previous few weeks, so I'm grateful for that.

I was just reminded this morning about the eureka moment I had a while ago about time and hurrying. I'd kind of forgotten about it. The feeling of working diligently, with focus and intention, but without hurry, rush, or worry. Calmly sitting down and focusing on what needs to get done, right now.

Last night, I almost checked out at 7pm, doing something I'd call a waste of time, because I was tired. However, before I got started on that, I read something spiritually uplifting, and it changed my mental and emotional state enough, that I instead started working on a pleasant, low-brain-power task I'd been meaning to work on for a while. It was satisfying to do, and at the end of it I'd made a big dent in the task. This strikes me as a great way to get a lot more of the stuff I want done, done.

It falls under the category of "the problem is not having too little time, but too little energy." Meaning often, I realize that I have time where I could be doing tasks I've decided are important, but I just can't bring myself to do them, at the end of a long day or long sprint (multiple days of hard focused work).

The solution, at least in this case, was to shift my internal state enough that I'm willing to do something productive but easy, rather than unproductive. Sometimes a simple change in the type of work being done, can be rejuvenating. Or, the type or rejuvenating activity I do can be something I also consider productive. I think the simplest example is doing something creative, rather than passive. Passive is watching TV, creative is writing something, or making something, or learning something, or fixing something, or helping someone, etc.

So, I suppose we will see shortly if I am able to lean towards doing that more often. It seems possible.

In other news, my slightly less busy schedule has given me some opportunity to tidy up the house and I love both the process and especially the outcome. It's so nice living in a clean environment. I'm not there yet, but I'm closer to that, and even that feels loads better. And is inspiration/motivation to get me to do more.

That's all for now,

With love,

I Out

Less papers. Life. Journey before Destination.

 Still thinking about my friend, and how to support someone who is going through grief. It's a tricky situation. You don't know what to do. They don't know what to do. They're not in a position to sit down calmly and think about what to do, so it seems like the onus falls on those of us who care to educate ourselves in how we can be genuinely supportive and not end up making things worse while we try and make them better.

Life is hard, man. But also touching and beautiful and full of love and joy and goodness sometimes.

I think I'm getting better at it, year by year. But there are always new challenges to meet, and so I need to remember to make the journey itself better. It can't just be all about when you finally arrive. The present is the only moment you will ever have, so the practice of making good use of it seems at least tied for most important thing.

Two papers to finish by Monday, but this is a lighter week: I'm already on the final draft, with feedback on the larger paper, and the second paper is just a simple reflection on some readings.

Next week is another big paper, and a second, medium sized paper, but the week after that is NO papers. Woo! I can get a leisurely start on the final papers and presentations, and maybe do something fun and non-school-related.

(Note, "journey before destination" is cribbed from one of Brandon Sanderson's fantasy series, though the idea itself is cribbed from philosophy/spirituality.)

Grief. OK; Not OK.

This is the post of last week, which I haven't done yet. One my closest friends just lost one of their parents in a very sudden and, as far as I can tell, traumatic way. I feel like I haven't been a very good friend in the past when people close to me have been going through really hard stuff, and I really want to do better, so I've been really trying to prioritize being part of a support network for him. That plus school has been all the time and mental space. Thus, didn't even think about a blog last week.

I asked one of my professors recently for a suggestion on a resource to help people who are supporting grieving friends and family, and they pointed me to a book called, "It's ok that your not ok" So I've been trying to read that in between school assignments. Part of it confirms my worries that often people are really not helpful when someone is going through grief, especially intense cases (like an unexpected death, a child or partner's death, death due to murder or suicide) even when they are trying to be helpful. So I guess I'm glad I've got it to read, though concerned I haven't read it all yet.

That's all for this short post.

Take care of each other, be well,

Isaac

Hit books. Wash self. Pet kitties. Repeat. (Don't mix up the verbs.)

I'm feeling pretty good about how hard I'm hitting the books. And in general, tackling all the stuff that needs doing. In some ways it's easy to manage, as there are only a few really big things that need to get done right now, so it's not about remembering a milling things, but just 4 or 5 big things that need all my attention, one after the other, or sometimes in parallel. But it is a bit more complicated than that, there are another 8-10 smaller things I have to keep up at the same time. It's kind of like juggling. All these small things like keeping my body washed and fed. They need a little bit of time, regularly, or bad things start to happen. You can't just wash yourself really good once a week.

The sunset is quite beautiful from my office window right now. despite it all, I still try and get out for a few minutes in the morning to enjoy the beautiful fall weather. It's important. One of those deathbed things. Meaning, if I look back on it from my deathbed, I'll be sad if I don't take the time to look at the sunrise, listen to the birds, pet the kitties, hug the wife. Though I'm not getting up early enough for the sunrise these days, but at least the morning light.

The main thing keeping me up late is the... I don't know how long it takes, I should probably time it, my shutdown ritual. I review all the things I'm juggling, the deadlines coming up, and decide on my list of things to do tomorrow, and take care of any loose ends I need to, before going to bed. It keeps me up a little late if I don't start early (and I'm usually working until late, so I can't start on that early) but the reduction in stress it causes, because I'm not worrying about forgetting something important, seems to be worth the late wake-ups. Though I do really miss waking up earlier. Today I'm doing it at 5pm, which is like 4 hours earlier than normal, so that's good, but it's because I've got games tonight, so not indicative of a pattern yet.

Games night was a tradition I started in grad school, to keep me sane. Kinda nostalgic.

OK, lets see if I can get a good picture of the pretty sunset-time view out of my office first...

doesn't quite do it justice. I need a faster way to transfer photos from my dedicated camera to my computer. The phone is just so much faster and more convenient...

anyhoo, enjoy ;-)

-I Out

P.S. if you don't understand the title of this post: here's what not to do: Pet books. Hit self. Wash kitties. (maybe you could argue for washing the kitties, they are filthy. But you try washing a cat that doesn't want to be washed.)

Research. Writing. Reading.

 Work. Worky work worky work work. Busy busy. The end.

That's not enough? OK, here's a list for you:

- Annotated bibliography and project proposal

- Ethics case analysis

- Friend birthday planning

- Every week things like class planning for my weekend volunteer classes, cleaning, some food prep, basic self care

- Lots of readings

- Preparing for next week's two papers

- Finishing IKEA cabinet assembly

- Minimum calendar and task list upkeep so nothing important slips under the radar

- Other stuff I'm not thinking of off the top of my head, and that's why I wrote them down on a list

I'm kind of enjoying the researching, since I got to choose something I'm already interested in. So that's nice.

Almost time for my post for this next coming week though, which will probably sound similar to this one, so I'm stopping now so I have something for that.

Be well,

Love,

-I

Not Rushing. Bazillion. Reaaaaaaly good. Busy.

 October is, and is going to continue to be, a hella busy month. I've got big papers due this week, and TWO every week going forwards, through the end of the month. And the reading load has not decreased. 

Perhaps I've said this before, the way we teach humans is mostly pretty dumb. This is one of those cases. It's too much to do all at once, there's not enough time to give the diligence each element deserves, so it's just going to get skimmed and glossed over, to the detriment of all. Lots of shallow learning, quickly forgotten because there is absolutely no time to process and go over the really important stuff.

I'm also slow. So, that doesn't help things.

Anyways, I've been here before and I'll get through it again, but a part of me groans at doing it. I better dang well get a profession I enjoy and that can support me while I do something of value out of this, or I'm gonna be pissed. At myself, I guess. 

Will it be a good fit? It seems likely? I think it's likely. I hope it is. Otherwise it reall is insult to injury.

I guess, theoretically, I could just take one course per semester, but no, the previous month was fine. Everybody just didn't coordinate with each other and it's all happening this month, so it's gonna be a feast or famine kinda thing.

Anyhoo, expect short blog posts, is I guess the practical information in this post.

I got a new computer. It was a reaaaaaaly good idea. My old one was lagging constantly, and often simply refusing to work, to load pages, to do various things. It is night and day, and I am using my computer so much now, it is really me getting the greatest value from it. I suspect the activity will simmer down again once I'm out of grad school, and by that time it will probably be slow again because nobody cares about optimising their software.

The other thing that would make a huge quality of life improvement to me, is a really solid note-taking app. I do not have such a thing. Or rather, I've got like a bazillion note taking applications I've been using, with notes scattered all over the place. It's quite inefficient, but the research required to find a better system takes way more time than I have. I guess it's par for the course with me, my organization system when I'm short on time tends to be throw things randomly on surfaces and have one surface be the more important one where urgent things go.

Ah well. I do think everything is getting better, one small step at a time. Even though there's a lot to do, I'm trying to practice a more laid back approach to it. I focus and do the work, but I'm not pushing myself to hurry and get it all done faster. I let things take the time they take, and just start early and work often. Simply not 'rushing' through everything is a huge load off. It just means there's not a lot of play time, but when I'm not rushing, work can become play.

I Out!

Paradox, Synthesis, and the Present.

I was reflecting on a few things. Some of this happened while having conversations with friends. I realize that I actually enjoy work and working on things, most things, as long as I have one or two factors in place.

The big one is simply not rushing. If I allow myself to take the time I want to complete something, it's not hard for it to be enjoyable.

This requires a few factors and thoughts. I can't just do anything anyway. But a second related factor, or maybe it's just a part of this first one, is not feeling like I'm not doing enough. It's a kind of awarness, or acceptance, that there are x hours in a day, and even if I work dilligently, I can only get so much in. Therefore, when I finish the day and I haven't gotten everything done on my todo list, it's ok. I've spent my time well each step along the way, and so I feel good about how my day has gone.

As I said, this requires a few additional factors. Most notably, some basic level of organizational system, where I have all my obligations and time-specific meetings/deadlines, in my calendar and on a list where I'll look at it regularly enough to be aware of things that are coming up.

This allows me to, knowing the speed at which I do things, get them done with a little time to spare, so I don't have to feel rushed. Again, it's all about being allowed to take my time on things.

Another element of that, is having habits that make sure I don't dilly dally or drag my feet. Sometimes I'll give myself a deadline, like an hour and a half, to finish a dense textbook chapter, with note-taking. I'll time it in half-hour chunks, and when the alarm goes off, look at how much I have left to do, and speed up if it doesn't look like I'll finish in time. Speed up doesn't mean try and skim through it, it means take less detailed notes. This is a good way to keep whatchamacallits law... Parkinson's law, in check. (where work expands to fit the time allotted to it.)

This doesn't always work. Sometimes there is a lot of work that has to get done in a short period of time, and I don't know how much truncation will affect the outcome because it's new to me. Like the first week of classes where I was misinformed about when the reading was due and had to read two weeks worth in one week. Then I just have to overwork for a bit and be exhausted.

But most of the time, it works.

In addition, I'm trying out a new habit, where I give myself an hour each day, to work on the #1 most important thing to me. Often this is a longer term thing, like "get organized" (or a specific sub-goal/task of that big goal) which it's easy to just ignore forever because there are always more pressing things to get done. But, not always more important. So far it's been implemented inconsistently, but it's quite enjoyable, whenever I do fit it into my schedule.

Why is this all important? Well, ultimately, I want to be able to end each day feeling like I spent my precious time well on this earth. Having big goals can be fun and motivating, but if I've got the attitude of "I'll only be happy/able to relax once I've achieved x goal" then I'll kind of be wasting the time before that happens not to mention I doubt most goals (all goals?) will have the ability to keep me contented indefinitely, after they've been achieved. Life is more of a process than an end goal. Ultimately the end of life is death, so it's not really "about getting to the end" and even if I think it's about self/God realization, why waste the time before I'm enlightened being more miserable than necessary? And I think being process oriented and present time oriented is actually a boon to the process of self-realization.

And, on the side of subjective truth, the present moment is all we ever have. We can act and plan so that our future versions of ourselves are enjoying their present moment too, but if you continually do that at the expense of the present, you're never or rarely getting that futur pay-off your looking for.

Plus people who are happy in the present tend to be more successful in their endeavours anyways.

Plus we're notoriously bad at accurately prediction what is going to make us happy in the future.

This may all seem kind of paradoxical: I'm focusing on organization and planning, something that ostensibly seems future oriented, yet interested in my present-moment experience.

Another kick I've been on recently is the fact that life is complex, and rarely is one side of an argument right, usually there is some synthesis of the two conflicting viewpoints that is where you actually want to be. The Buddha's "middle way" is a great example of this. Neither strict asceticism, nor loose hedonism, but a balance of control and relaxation, intelligently applied moment to moment. Generally the synthesis is not just some middle ground, lukewarm to someones hot and cold, but qualitatively different and experientially superior.

It's like science. The usefulness of science, the pursuit of truth, is it's predictive power. When your understanding is close to the truth, you are more effective in the world. In the area of philosophy, I think that might mean a life that experiences joy, love, peace, and fulfilment, and helps others experience that as well.

That's this week. Take care and see you later,

-Isaac

Like to do. Have to do. Did do. Doobedoobedoo.

 OK, post #2 so I'm caught up.

Things I'd like to do:

get the new bed set up

organize my office

organize the rest of the house

set up the roomba

organize my projects and notes and tasks

vacuum

grocery shopping

laundry

cooking

break down boxes

games night

Things I have to do:

submit my assignment that's due today

do the readings for this week by tomorrow

prep for the readings and assignments for next week

get some kind of food into me (I guess optional today since it's Yom Kippur)

feed cats

Things I did today so far:

Abhisheik (a weekly ceremony I try to do with as much regularity as I can, though I missed last weeks)

Finished my assignment that's due today

These blog posts

My weekly review that I try to do every Monday

My morning exercise and meditation

Not horrible, but considering how long my lists are, I'm thinking about what to do if my todo lists simply get longer and longer, never getting shorter. At some point they become useless, simply making it take longer for me to find the things I'm actually going to do, amidst all the stuff I'm not going to do. I have a partial solution to this. I make a much smaller list, day to day. and week by week. Daily, I try and keep it to one thing I really try to get done, besides all the stuff I simply have to get done. Weekly, I take a small subsection of my longer list, the things I'd most like to get done, along with everything I have to get done, and write it up for faster reference. This works decently, if I'm keeping up with it. But on weeks like the last two, where I've been behind, it means things slip through the cracks.

Part of the problem is there are so many todo's and bits of information flying at me, that simply figuring out what to do with them all is a part time job. I need a better filter, between what's worth my time and what can just get tossed in a 'maybe later' box. Though maybe I just need a habit of doing a little bit every day. It doesn't have to take that long, if I know what to do with things. It's one of those "a place for everything and everything in its place" scenario's. If I just have to put stuff where I know it goes, it can happen fairly easily. If I have to think hard about each piece of info, there's no way I'll ever keep up with it.

Still fiddling with this system. It's not bad currently, but it's not all there yet.

Gonna get back to it!

- I Out

Writing papers, doing chores.

 I think it's been two weeks. I must have been busy. Suzannah just left yesterday for two weeks. Fully into the swing of things, writing papers, making reference pages in APA format, reading and taking notes. I'm hoping to get a bunch of stuff done while she's gone, but I think that may be wishful thinking. I don't think I'll be any more productive. Though I'll be playing with her less, I'll also be doing all the chores, and I won't have the extra energy I get from her presence.

She's gone to be with her sister, who's having a baby soon! That's exciting news.

OK, I'm gonna end this update so I can write the next one and rules-lawer my way into being caught up.

Little things. Less reading. Counting ducks.

 "I take great joy in the little things" -thought during my sit spot Aug 24th

I'm finally caught up on my readings. It feels nice. Now I can start catching up on all the stuff that I haven't had any time to think about. Though there is still plenty to do in terms of class work and assignments. But it seems more manageable this week.

The little bits of actually getting to sit with people in the most practical class we're in, feels good. That seems like a good sign. Still a bit early to count my ducks though. 

Tonight is pizza night. Not that it's a regular thing, but it feels celebratory. Today, after early morning classes, I took care of a bunch of tech-support stuff that needed to get done. I suppose the question for this week is, how much can I catch up on all the non-master's life stuff, during an off week, while staying on top of the school stuff as well?

The quote at the beginning is a reflection on how much I enjoy being present to the little details of nature as I sit outside in the morning. There is so much beauty in a still toad spending the day between the slats of the bench I'm sitting on, the tiny beautiful pink flowers of lady's thumb, or a bug exploring the wood porch planks. There is of course breathtaking beauty in some of the truly wild places on earth, but it can be found in more humble settings, every day.

A lot of reading

 This master's degree is a lot of reading y'all.

Especially problematic as the orientation call people inadvertently lied to me, telling me none of the reading was due on the first day of class. It was. So this last week I've been trying to read through two weeks worth of assignments. Blegh. I will almost certainly not be caught up by classes tomorrow afternoon, but I've been reading my butt off and will at least be close. With my nose to the grindstone I should be caught up by the end of this next week.

Doing that much reading is unpleasant for multiple reasons. One, the brain just gets tired after a certain amount of time. These ain't fluffy fantasy novels. Even if they were, that much reading of them in a row might get to be too much. In addition, I've been spending less time with Suzannah, and helping out less, as I've put all my time into trying to get caught up. So she's not happy either. Rough week, but I sincerely hope it will get better, as I get caught up, more efficient in how I do things, and have a little bit of a life again. That's all I've got time for, gotta get to bed somewhat early so I can do it all again tomorrow.

Benevolence, Classes start, Spinning up slowly

 Alright, we're a bit late coming to this, but there is a reason. I just finished the last of three classes for the week (well, not just, it's been several hours and a lunch later, but this morning). Yesterday was my first day of classes, and before that for several days I've been frantically trying to get myself and my systems in order to handle what I was anticipating would be a deluge of work I'd be doing for graduate school.

So far I've only dealt with the classes themselves. But it doesn't seem like it will be too bad. The teachers are nice, and basically, if you come to the lecture having read and thought about the main chapter assigned, and participate, you'll be fine.

Now, the next part is the coursework. I'll be able to tell you more about that after this week. I'm still trepidatious about the amount of work that I'll need to be doing. But actually, it doesn't seem like it will be too bad. My tentitive estimate of how much work this will be is, "quite a bit, but not overwhelming." I'm kind of cheating in that I'm not also trying to hold down a full-time job like some of the other students, but if I was, I'd probably only be doing once course at a time, like them.

In terms of the actual coursework, the books are interesting and thoughtfully written, and I already mentioned that the teachers seemed nice and supportive, as do the fellow students. I think I'll enjoy reading my assignments (so far I have) and it's just a matter of how much time it will take to do that. And, figuring out the right balance of note-taking. I like taking notes, but it slows me down considerably.

I am in a bit of a pickle with my organization system. I needed to update things a little bit, to handle all the information and tasks that would be coming to me from the program. But instead somehow I've changed a whole bunch of tools all at once. I think they are all things that will help a bit with my productivity, but there's a learning curve at first.

I think for me a lot of staying organized is just one simple concept: you have a bucket where you put stuff when it comes to you. Then, you regularly go through that bucket (not a literal bucket, (probably) but an inbox, literal box, letter tray, whatever) and figure out what needs to happen with each thing in there: does it need to get put away? Thrown out? Is there a to-do attached to it that you need to keep in mind? And then you need to have a bucket, some place, where everything goes. 

If you don't have an inbox bucket, your stuff is all over the place. If you don't check your inbox bucket regularly, it just turns into a pile of stuff. If you can't quickly figure out where it goes when you process it, or if it doesn't have a place, then it's too much resistance (and/or takes too much time) and the inbox bucket never gets processed and piles up, and eventually you rifle through it for any true emergencies and then put the rest in a closet somewhere and leave the emergencies on top of your desk. 

Or something like that. Then maybe someday you're feeling productive and you get out another bucket and repeat the process.

Oh, and for anything that needs your attention, you need the habit of regularly checking that bucket.

So, theoretically, it should be a really simple endeavour. Theoretically. In real life, there are lots of issues that crop up, mostly having to do with being squishy robots rather than the metal kind that don't have emotions. Deciding where things goes is an art, and if you've written down or put away a bunch of stuff somewhere and then realize it's not a good place for it and have to switch it around, that can take a lot of time and take you from being more productive to less.

So right now I am both trying to implement a new system and tools, and judge weather that system and those tools are actually going to be a good idea long term, before I put a bunch of time into it/them.

However, I'm at the point where classes have started, and also feel like I've done enough of the think-y bits and need to just get to doing things to actually figure out what works and what doesn't, and actually get work done. I've got textbooks to read. And soon, papers to write. But it's still a slow spin-up process, as I take one step, realize I need to do something I don't know how to do, look up how to do it, realize there are two other things I don't know how to do, look them up, find out I can't do one of them and the other kind of works but not well. Then I have to decide if I really want to keep doing things the way I'm doing them. Then I have to tell myself to stop thinking and just go with it for a while. Then remind myself that I don't actually need to do the third thing so I should just let it drop for now.

But still, it is spinning up. I'm getting it moving, but it's a heavy wheel so it's slow going at first. I've had a very interesting realization about my mindset and state of...being? feeling? functioning? related to being productive, but that's a long conversation, and this post is already long. Hopefully it will still be working next week and I can talk about it then if there's nothing more urgent, and I can also share how the homework is going and have a better sense of how this semester will be going.

Love to all of you friends and family who are reading this (all 3 of you :D ) and I guess a more general love for anyone else who found themselves hear by accident. Wishing you well.

-I

Fit, Creativity, Coming Alive

 Countdown! just over a week to go! Less even, until my orientation meeting!

I'm quite enjoying reading my text book and taking notes on it. Problems are arising in that I'm taking notes that are too copious. But I enjoy engaging with the text, summarizing things, writing my own thoughts and critiques, researching things that seem suspect or just topics that aren't well explained.

On the plus side, reading the 'intro to individual counseling' textbook is introducing me to the core theory and skills, which is giving me a better sense of my fit with counseling. And that sense is optimistic; as I continue to learn more, it's generally confirming my original thoughts that it is a good fit for my particular gifts and strengths and interests.

I've got a lot of tidying up I'd like to do before classes start though, and I don't know how much I'll actually be able to get done in the time before things start, so I really hope I'll have some time for that after classes start.

I have a meeting in a few minutes, and I'm leaving early tomorrow to fly back home, so this post is gonna be short.

I feel more comfortable with my extended family year by year, I think. It's nice. I think it's a mixture of my own personal growth and Suzannah's good influence on me.

Unrelated thought: I want to add a habit of being creative every day. Even if just for a few minutes. And I want to give myself time to connect to my own sense of enthusiasm and what I want in life, and follow it. Maybe that's not the best or most complete way of putting it... you know how some moments in your life, you just feel really 'alive'? I want to be connected and plugged into that aliveness.

Oh, and as I think about having kids, I'm a little sad at how far apart in ages any kids I have will be from the other kids my cousins have. Though also grateful for the friends and family that are having kids at around the same time. 

Also not sure how we'll give them a good education in the small rural town we're in, but that's a problem for 5+ years later I suppose. I should be focusing on the task of how to raise babies and toddlers well without going crazy from stress and sleep deprivation 😅

-I Out

To be, or not to be good enough

I had an interesting realization this last week.

For years, I've been all about self-improvement. I wanted to be the best version of myself. Like the army slogan. Suzannah has made me realize though, intellectually, that sometimes (often?) the self-improvement impulse makes people feel worse about themselves. I didn't relate to that as much, personally. But perhaps that's because I had such a deep seated feeling of not being good enough, that other people implying that wasn't a different experience. It was just like they were saying I had dark brown hair. Oh, of course, yes.

I spent a lot of energy trying to re-program how I handled failing at my goals and ideals to be more compassionate, and eventually succeeded. For the most part, nowadays, as I pursue my own improvement, there is an ok-ness with who I am, and a gentleness with my mistakes and failure.

But over this trip, being with family, for some reason I noticed in other people, their desire to improve themselves. They talked about exercise or diet or whatnot, and the things they were trying to do for improving that. And for some reason, I saw clearly the underlying message behind some (much?) of that: 'you're not good enough as you are.' Or 'your not ok as you are.'

Unfortunately, much of the 'self-help' industry is a business that, like beer or car commercials, makes it's money by convincing you that you are lacking something, and buying X will give it to you. If it's a car commercial, maybe it will buy you popularity or freedom or something. With self-help stuff, it's more like there's something wrong with you, and buying the book/program/etc. will make you finally not wrong. But like with a new fancy car, there isn't actually anything wrong with you, so the advertisement needs to instil a sense of there being something wrong with you.

One of the most obvious and yet still effective cases of this is with women's physical appearance. Could be make-up, diet, exercise, clothes. It goes beyond specific commercials at this point to a culturally implanted idea, but the concept they are selling is pretty simple. They want you to think you're not pretty enough, and if you get pretty enough, your life will be better, and then if you buy X, you will be pretty. QED except the research says being pretty is unlikely to actually make you happier.

Anyways, this left me with regret, and an important question.

Regret, because I was modeling this behavior to others. I cringe a bit to think how many people I subtly influenced to start taking part, or increase their buy int, to the "self-improvement, not-good-enough" paradigm/treadmill by my example.

And a question: how to motivate positive behavior in self, in a way that doesn't have all the negative side effects of "not-good-enough" culture. 

I need something where the fundamental belief is "I am fine/good/enough/accepted just as I am" but also is strongly motivating for positive behaviors. I suppose healthy behavior is a good example. Eating well and staying active is good for health, energy, longevity, and mood, among other things. It is something I want to do more of. And sometimes, when I'm tired or rushed in the moment I don't want to do those things. So I need something that is strongly motivating for me, even when I'm at my weakest.

And, I need a way of talking about it and presenting it, that is contagious in a good way. That is to say, anyone doing something that seems like a good idea, has the chance to make other people start thinking about doing it. But I don't want to do something that makes other people start judging themselves harshly and thinking there's something wrong with themselves.

I guess somehow the idea is inspiration vs. ... shame? Feeling like there's something wrong with you? Something like that. Hopefully if my own mindset and approach are clearly shifted that will automatically shift how I present and talk about it. The question is, how do I do that? My current question.

Take care and love,

(and maybe I'll write another post soon, since this is for last week)

-Isaac

Shenandoah. Bonding over video games. Boredom and creativity.

 I'm at my first destination, Suzannah's family's house. Took a short camping trip out to Shenandoah park. We had some adventures, almost got caught in an intense thunderstorm with some hail (did catch the beginning of it before making it, running to our car). We got to some nice vista's, though on the final day the wind was so strong it felt like it would knock us off our lookout point. 

Back at Suzannah's families house I've been spending time with the nephews and for whatever reason, I clicked more with them this time. Not sure what made the difference, but previously they had been kind of timid or uncomfortable around me, but this time I just kind of integrated in. I think we've bonded over our shared enjoyment of video games like Mario, and maybe the different context of being at their new house was kind of a reset.

I suppose it would be nice to bond over something more productive, like education or positive values or learning or nature, but I'll take what I can get, at least to establish rapport, and work in the other stuff as I can. Makes me think about child-raising in general though. That's in the plan for some time soon, so I'm thinking more about what I want to be and what environment I want to have for our future kids. I need fun things to do with kids that are wholesome and not technology-centered. It's sooo much easier to just give them a device and let them be endlessly entertained. If I don't have a plan ahead of time, whenever things get stressful/hectic, that's going to be too tempting to ignore. Like having sweets on the table all the time, maybe you can avoid eating them in the morning, but at the end of the day when your exhausted, day after day, eventually you're probably going to break.

On the other hand, it's not rocket science, doing fun things with kids. Generally they will come up with some creative game to play, and it will be fun for them, just having you play along. What seems less common is being able to entertain themselves, especially without technology derived games. This isn't isolated to kids though, I think adults often have this problem as well. I generally do not and can entertain myself indefinitely, especially given access to books.

I think kids can do this just fine too. I've just been witnessing the transition from 'I'm bored' to finding non-screen things to do, to entertain themselves with, after running out of screen-time, as I write this. Two brothers play-fighting imaginatively with each other. The older brother is impressing me with how they are handling their younger brother gently. It must have taken a lot of thoughtful parenting and teaching, but the fruits are worth it.

In other thoughts, perhaps I mentioned this earlier, but after doing two short courses with my old creative writing teacher recently, I'm feeling nostalgic for the times in my life when I was regularly creating. I love creating, and I kind of put that part of myself on a shelf for a decade and change to 'be adult' and find work or a job that fit me. Having just taken it off the shelf, I find it quite dusty and rusty from disuse, which saddens me. I don't want to leave it in that state, and even if it's just something like this blog, a once a week few minutes trying to do something creative. I'd like to establish a creative habit. I think it would be good for my soul. And perhaps ultimately good for the rest of my life as well.

I think I'm going to begin digging into my textbook now so I've got a little bit of a head start for classes.

I'll be seeing some of you quite soon!

-I Out

Time management: do less things. Surrender, trust, accept. Textbook.

 Just a short one this week. I'm leaving in three days for two weeks of seeing family.

I've got the list of my textbooks for the coming classes. Maybe I'll start studying them over my travels.

I've got lots of habits that I want to establish, but I am trying to be smart and not do too many at once. I've got a list of 3 habits, and those are all I'm focusing on, until they are well established. No more than three at a time.

So much of my current thoughts about time management are about simplicity and less. there are 24 hours in a day. I can't just keep adding things to my plate, I can't add hours to the day. I have to choose, and in choosing, decide what not to do. Larger tasks require a certain amount of concerted effort, and if they don't get it, they don't come to fruition. If I spread myself too thin, nothing comes to fruition. Chase two rabbits, catch none.

Surrender, and trust, is another theme for my life these days. Letting myself trust in God, source, Truth, whatever you want to call it. Surrendering my little will to the big Will. That surrender and trust seems to be far and away the best way forward. The least bumpy, and the most effective, at the same time.

Awareness is also playing a key role. The more conscious, aware I am, of what I'm doing, and choosing what to do, deliberately, thoughtfully, the more effective I am. Even without moving quickly, I get much more done, because I am doing what needs to be done, and, especially when I time myself, I am not spending undue time on things that don't merit lots of time. It's hard to do though, especially when I'm tired at the end of the day, like now. It seems to require a fair amount of willpower, which is a cue letting my know that my systems aren't well set up.

People who express high levels of willpower play proactively, not reactively. They set up their lives and routines so they don't need a lot of willpower to do the right thing. Their rituals and environment and systems make it the easier thing to do. But I'm not focusing on that now. Why? 3 things. Only three things. I need a page in my journal where I can write down all the other great ideas for habits and things I want to do, so I can feel comfortable putting them aside for now, so I can nurture the 3 I've decided to focus on.

With love (and I'll probably be seeing many of you soon in my travels)

-Isaac

Gettin' 'er done. One month, one week till blast off. Chiggers.

I would say things have been a little tumultuous emotionally lately.

But in terms of life situation, everything is great, wonderful even. It's awesome being in the new house. It's so nice having time to work on the things that seem important to me. I'm surrounded by loving friends and family, and beautiful nature (though the chiggers are vicious.) I'm making real progress on a lot of important projects, among them organizing the house and my office, and organizing my brain and how I work. I'm about to start on the counseling/therapy program that I'm looking forward to.

It's important to recognize, that life can externally be great, but if you're not doing well internally, it only makes a small difference. I think people forget that and fail to work on their internal state, undervaluing the skill of happiness, gratitude, focus, being the master of your mind (rather than the servant or slave.)

Not saying I've arrived or anything, but I consciously spend time working on that goal and it pays big dividends.

In any case, even emotionally, things are still good. But with hiccups. Perhaps you'd like to know more but I think it's a bit too personal for a blog, especially when others are involved. I may be ok divulging myself but other people have a right to their privacy.

Moving on, I'm feeling the approach of the masters program. August 23rd it starts with my orientation and classes start the week of August 28th. That is now less than a month away! And half of that time will be traveling. I am working hard to make sure my ducks are lined up in the various areas of my life before that time comes. I'm taking three classes this semester, which is the max they allow, and they say it can be up to 10 hours per class, including coursework. 30 hours per week is half-way between full-time and part-time work, so it's going to be significant. But now is my best chance to grind it out, while I have so few other obligations. Once kids come along that will probably not be as feasible.

Here's a list for you, because lists are fun.

House repairs:

-replace half-broken toilet seats

-replace broken A/C unit

-replace broken gutters

-fix kitchen pipe freezing problem (before winter comes)

-fix broken picture window frame

-put in fence so deer don't eat everything to nubs

-fix fireplace so it works (add energy efficient insert?)

There's probably more, but that's just off the top of my head. I'm not sure I'd call the house a fixer-upper, as it was move-in ready, but there sure were a lot of maintenance stuff that got deferred, along with some weird design decisions. The backyard patio is surrounded by not one but two a/c units, making it hard to talk when they're on, and there are three separate HVAC systems in the house. On the plus side, the redundancy is nice if one of them breaks. On the minus side, more things to break, and replace, and maintain, more A/C units outside, and more furnaces inside. I suspect it's not energy efficient either.

Is anyone else noticing that it's hard to get handyman/construction help these days? Even the people that other people recommend against are booked out, and many of the good people won't even pick up their phones. Maybe this is a small town problem? Thankfully Suzannah is a charming people person with deep connections from living here basically her whole life, so often she knows people personally who can help, and who are willing to because they know her.

OK, that's all for now. Let's see how much I can get done! 💪

Some simple details of life, July 2023

 This is the continuation of last post, though it stands alone just fine. I thought I should include some little specifics about my life, for your enjoyment and curiosity. 

Yesterday I went blueberry picking with Suzannah and a friend. Huge amounts of blueberries. Like two small buckets worth. I spent over an hour sorting through them, making sure the bugs had a chance to leave and pulling out the bad berries. 

Suzannah then went to our old house and picked bags of peaches, to keep the branches from breaking under their weight. Not ripe yet, but many had to be culled to protect those that remain. There's a life lesson in that I think. Hopefully they will ripen on their own. We will see.

One of our cats is licking her lower nipples so much that he has bald patches around them. Nobody knows why, but she's always been an odd one, so perhaps there isn't a good reason. The vet didn't seem to know either.

We saw an owl a few times last week during our evening walks, and heard it hooting once as well. very cool. It was absolutely silent when it flew away.

My computer was finally so slow that I took a good couple hours setting up a "read later" app and storing most of my unread open web pages in it so I could close them. That seemed to do the trick, and now my computer is running much faster.

This seems to be the solution to much of my clutter problem, especially digitally: I just store all the clutter somewhere simple and out of sight, but where I know I can access it when I need it. 

My computer is a good metaphor for me, in that my brain also runs more smoothly when this decluttering gets done. In terms of all the tasks I want to do, I've got a similar thing. I just stick them in a "someday/maybe" list, so I can fool myself into thinking they're taken care of, and then I don't have to think about or worry about them any more, but it's not as painful or difficult as having to decide I'm never going to do them.

Since it just amounts to a few slips of paper or digital documents, the cost of keeping it, as long as it's well contained and out of view, is close to zero.

I think it's a good idea for all the physical stuff in my life I don't know what to do with, but only as an interim step, since that actually does take up room and ends up being more work, any time I have to move, or fish something that I actually want out from among all the stuff I don't. Or when I don't have enough room for it all, and it ends up making my living spaces feel cluttered.

Oh, one more thing, Suzannah chopped off the tip of her thumb, and it was a little serious, so she's without the use of her left thumb for a while, and I'm doing the things that require two thumbs, or getting both hands wet, like dishes.

Gonna leave it at that. In fact, this was a long one, so I'll split it into two and be caught up with last week and this week.

Love, be well,

-Isaac

Systems. Experimentation. What's really important.

 I am 'working' my system, and it generally feels good. It feels great in fact, to have the time to work it. And often the working of it, itself, feels good, which is the whole point. Just feeling like I have a well-functioning system, that keeps track of all my commitments, is really nice. It's currently a very simple system, which was the point. One main list with all the stuff I've decided to do. I check that, decide what to do, and I'm good.

In reality, it's a little more complicated. Nearby to my one list are a few others that seemed useful. I've got one for email and one for shopping. I don't want to see those when I'm in work mode, since those things can be distracting to me. I prefer doing them in bursts, all together. eventually I will likely have a few others, but it's just a collection of some simple lists. And then a calendar that's got any upcoming specific date/time things, and reminders that I need to be reminded of at a specific date.

I was reminded yesterday though, as I was enjoying the beautiful sunrise outside during my morning sit spot, that what makes life worth living is that kind of thing: natural beauty, and the peace to enjoy it for a few minutes every day. Not having a super organized system and a clean room. Those things are very nice, and feel great, but it's not the same as the soul-deep satisfaction of reveling in God's creation and natural beauty, feeling deeply at peace and grateful. The habits and systems I'm developing are for the purpose of supporting more of those kind of moments, and if I lose track of that, the systems can become an end in themselves and end up getting overly complex. Like a governmental agency that's been given too much money and ends up wasting it on busy work, creating new categories of work and inefficiencies so that it "needs" even more money the next year, to manage all the additional complexities it created.

I can't spend my whole day at my sit-spot, at least not regularly, so I think I need a better idea of what kind of living constitutes that feeling, in my day-to-day life. Though I think in general the answer is simply true spiritual practice, making every act of mine a step on my spiritual path, in line with my deepest values and aspirations.

But a little more specifically, I'm thinking of my recreation. I can only focus intensely for so long each day. How do I rejuvenate myself in a way that feels soul-enriching, rather than just passing the time.

This is an important question I think, given the preciousness of time and life. Each hour, once spent, is gone forever. It should be spent well.

In other news, I have a few goals before graduate school starts: 

I want to get my systems up and running smoothly and strongly, so the extra workload doesn't throw them off, and to help me handle and keep up with the work, and basic life maintenance and life goals.

I want to get a hang of good note-taking skills, as I'll be using them a lot.

I want to do as much pre-work as I can, familiarizing myself with the website and systems, so I'm not trying to do that at the same time as the work, especially in the beginning as I figure things out.

Classes start August 28th, so that's only a bit over a month away. That's a fair bit of stuff to do in the interim, plus continuing to push-forward the general house readiness, getting everything tidy and put away. (I'm not even thinking about the kon-mari-ing getting rid of stuff part yet, that can be a slower, later project.

I also want to be doing continuing research and preparation for parenthood, since that's kinda likely some time in the next few years. (don't have control over when specifically.)

So, there's a lot to be done.

One of the main points I'm getting from the latest book I'm reading is, there isn't time to do everything, so in order to do some things well, and not be overwhelmed, I've got to be selective in what projects I choose to take on, and lot let it grow without end.

So far, so good, though I'm still in the experimental stage in terms of my systems. But it feels like a promising start.

I'll continue this in a seperate post, as it's going rather long.

to be continued...

Disorder -> Order

 This post is technically for last week. I've been working hard, and the house is looking nice, though still not totally done. It's in decent shape though, so I started working on my office. My desk looked like a recycling bin had been knocked over onto it, and it's now looking mostly crisp and clean. I'm loving it.

Also, I've taken the first steps towards spinning up my organization system again. I spent several hours over a few days, looking for helpful guidance, reflecting on what wasn't working with my previous system, and trying to design things better this time. My working hypothesis is that the organization system should be as lightweight as possible. If it takes too much time to maintain, then it won't happen when things get busy.

At the same time, part of my research gave me some interesting ideas for how to restart my system after it's gotten into disrepair without getting overwhelmed. I think the bottom line is there is no one perfect system, so you've got to have an understanding of the important fundamental principals, and then you can try out some good existing system, modifying it as necessary to fit how you work. And at least as important, modify the system after you start using it and get more information about what works for you and what doesn't.

I'm currently using one of the simplest systems I've come across that still seems useful. I'll try to add elements to it as necessary, but kind of like how I prefer to organize my office, it's nice to have the tools stored somewhere out of sight, and only put things in the drawers next to me when I find myself using them regularly. Then my organization develops organically, around what I actually need and do.

The simplicity allows me to focus, and the list allows me to prioritize and not let things slip through the cracks. And the regular reviews (which are still a work in progress) allow me to trust my system. Meaning, trust that when I write down something important for me to remember, I actually will see it when I need to be reminded of it.

Something I haven't done yet, but want to start (perhaps I'll do that next) is keep some kind of brief record of my attempts to do this. I feel like often people who talk about their wonderful productivity system, neglect to talk about the issues they had implementing it, how they overcame those issues, what it actually looks like after it's adjusted for the reality of day-to-day life, and what it took to go from disorganized to well-organized. I think it might be more useful to see some of the main points of someone's journey from not well organized to really well organized, rather than just the end result.

OK, that's gotta be all for today, though I'm planning on putting another one of these out ASAP so I don't get behind again on these. I don't know if my timeliness on these is a sign of good organization or poor prioritization, or cutting corners on quality :D

May all the beings in all the worlds be happy,

-Isaac

Tidying, Decisions, Deadlines

 I think this is for last weekend. Losing track a bit.

The main things I've been doing are cleaning up from the move, and masters admissions things. There were a couple islands of boxes and stuff from our move to the new house, and I've been steadily unpacking and putting those things in temporary houses. once they're out of the moving boxes, or the permanent boxes they are in are wiped clean and out of the way, I can begin a konmari tidying pass, getting rid of some of the extra stuff I've accumulated over the years. They I can give my stuff more permanent homes. And finally, I can get in the habit of putting stuff into it's home after I'm done using it. Though perhaps I should be doing some of that habit formation already.

There is an interesting paradox to it all, as things take up the most space in the beginning, and then get smaller, as items get consolidated by group, and discarded. Thus, I kind of want to do this before I buy any more furniture, because I might not need anything else, or very little.

I'm making good progress. There is very little left in the big piles anymore. Another few days working on it, maybe 4, and that first phase should be done!

More exciting news: I've been accepted to both masters programs I applied too. I've got a week (now more like 4 days) to make my decision. I think I've already decided on which program I'll do, the decision made easier by the fact that it costs half as much as the other program. Kind of mind blowing, the price difference. Not sure how they justify the price, though the more expensive program does seem better organized, a bit more polished. But I like the feel of the smaller program. I've always been a small, intimate school kind of guy.

Now I've got to make the final decision. I suppose it's easy enough to do a semester and leave if it's not my thing, but really, there's no way to tell if it's "my thing" without actually doing an internship or some other kind of practice. I've done about as much research as I can, aside from that. From interviewing people in the field, to reading an introductory book that goes over all the core skills and such that clinical counselors need. 

I've gathered as much information as I reasonably can, ditto for introspecting and reflecting. I now have to make a decision based on uncertain and incomplete information.

I don't think I want to be just a traditional therapist. (If there even is such a thing.) I'm pretty sure I want a mixture of writing, one-on-one, and group classes. And I don't just want to deal with problems, but also work in a positive psychology way, helping people grow their strengths and develop resilience. And I want to be teaching social-emotional (and what I might call spiritual, or mindfulness) skills. 

A lot of that I'm already theoretically qualified to do, via having a teaching masters. Maybe a certificate or some experience with a group that's doing this sort of thing would give me useful skills and credibility. But I could theoretically just start doing it now. I could try and do both, but that would be all my time. Unpacking and organizing would slow to a crawl. Not to mention all the learning I want to do in preparation for maybe becoming a dad in the not-to-distant future.

Several good options, and no clear winner. The masters may win out because of the additional time cost if I decide not to do it now, and then change my mind in the future and have to re-apply. But really it feels pretty even all around. However, I once again have a deadline, so I've got to make the decision one way or another, quite soon. See you then.

With love and gratitude,

-I Out

Tests, determination, gratitude, process vs. goals.

Let's do a quick post for this week. This afternoon at 1pm I'm doing an interview for Antioch's Counseling program. In twenty minutes I'm meeting with my triad group, the two other people I was working with while learning about... mentoring/community building/authentic communication/nature awareness, with Jon Young and others. I loved the teachings from that multi-month, free workshop, and am continuing to keep in touch with my mini-group, and deepen my practice.

The ability to create a healthy, self-propagating group is super valuable, for whatever you want to accomplish. It's like creating a support group. That could be for exercise, spirituality, accomplishing a goal, it's very flexible. But having that social support is really useful, and being able to facilitate groups to have that, is a skill I want, both for myself, and to be able to share.

I've kinda been going through the ringer since I got back, but the depth of experience from the course is seeing me through the rough waters with a fundamental stability, which I'm really grateful for. I can step back and be grateful for the test, the challenges, as an opportunity for further growth and deepening, even in the midst of the discomfort or sadness. I suppose I can't go into specifics because it involves other people, and it's not my place to air other people's dirty laundry. Suffice it to say, I've been shaken, not stirred, but I will not be deterred, and so far have been able to maintain my dedication, surrender, and gratitude.

There are so many things to do, clean up the house, learn cooking, decide on grad school, that life is very full, but I've come to an idea... it's still cooking, so I'm not sure I can describe it well yet, but in general, the idea is, to find what I love to do (in service of finding work I love and such), it may be better to take an organic, process driven approach, rather than a "sit and think and try and figure it out and then go" approach. Still figuring out the details of how that will work, especially with all the other stuff going on, but it seems promising.

May all of you have light and love in your lives.

With blessings,

Isaac

Spiritual Workshop, Authenticity, Inner Gardening.

 This was written in the airport and airplane on my way back from my spiritual class in Florida:

Blog June 14th

Well.

That was something.

I really should learn from the last two trips and make sure to schedule my spiritual retreats BEFORE my standard vacations. A good spiritual retreat never fails to uplift and inspire, and make the rest of life have more savor. I think all my uncertainty angst etc. about my future that came up during my previous trip would have been greatly diminished, if it existed at all, and I would have much more easily and quickly moved through it, if I’d been coming of the spiritual experience/class I just had. Hopefully I can learn that for some future time, if I have a choice about order.

I learned some valuable lessons from the last several days. A renewed commitment to trusting and surrendering to God, and a deeper experiential understanding of what that means. Ditto for the importance of gardening my inner experience. Honestly, there are an incredible amount of things I’ve learned, many very… small. Small is maybe the wrong word. Like the book ‘small is beautiful,' small does not mean insignificant. I got to be in the presence of what I think is an enlightened master. In a very intimate, small group.

Just watching them go about their life, the subtleties of how they interact and process, was illuminating, in this case, also freeing. This enlightened master doesn’t wear monk robes. They’ve got a great sense of humor, they’re a bit odd, they like dressing up, they have their own, very distinct personality, and it’s not what you would expect from an enlightened master. And yet, in their interactions, they are impeccable, in integrity, full of joy and love and an invisible transformative energy that infuses whatever they do.

Rather than their personality dissolving into a mushy nothingness that some books and teachers seem to give the impression is what enlightenment looks like, it’s more like their personality is made more vivid.

I think I read somewhere about geniuses, or people who have made some of the biggest contributions to the world, something like that. They all had what the book called ‘complex personalities.’ Meaning they could not be contained in a single trope. They had many, very distinct facets to their personality, they could be super focused and scientific, and then very artistic or intuitive, and then very practical and efficient. Loving and exacting. And these widely divergent facets were harmonized, integrated. They switched flexibly between them, with sensitivity and coordination. This seems kind of in that vein.

I’ll give one example that was refreshing, the mixture of deep rigor, and flexibility and play. I remember trying to be super disciplined in my spirituality, and ending up kind of hard and clenched in all aspects of my life, becoming kind of a rules lawyer. And I know many on the spiritual path who’ve gone through that phase. We can’t maintain both flexibility/ease/love, and discipline/focus/intensity, and we can’t easily switch between them. Switching from one to the other is like prying someone’s death grip open.

Seeing it modeled, is a bit of an aha moment, a realization that it’s possible to be that way, and what it looks like, feels like. Similar to working under my teaching mentor, who mixed extremely high expectations with great warmth, and the ability to quickly distinguish rules that needed to be enforced with exceptions that were fine to make.

This post is already long, but I wanted to talk about what I mentioned earlier, about gardening my mind/inner experience.

I’ve had a long battle with a school of personal development thought. The Tony Robbins, psych yourself up kinda thing. The smile when your sad so you can be happy kind of thing. It always made my skin crawl. I’m a very authentic person. Truth is deeply important to me. Sometimes this rubs people the wrong way, because if I’m biting it, I will say I’m biting it.

Perhaps it was a bit of a reaction against the east coast mentality I absorbed of the “how are you?” “Good-n-you?” sentiment. That is, it doesn’t matter if you’re dying inside, when someone asks you “how are you?” They don’t actually want to know. They would be very uncomfortable and perhaps even irritated if you answered anything other than a “good-n-you” equivalent.

I have a couple theories about what is going on, but the bottom Line is I feel suffocated by a “always say everything is fine” atmosphere. I am healed of my emotional ills by having a compassionate listener that I can share openly with, and be heard and accepted, sadness, anger, pain, and all. In sharing and being heard, the emotions then take care of themselves. Like a stream flowing by, the emotions are felt, acknowledged, and then move on.

When they are not allowed to do that, it’s like a clogged up stream, or, perhaps a toilet that people are refusing to flush.

I can theoretically imagine that some people don’t need this outlet for emotions. Maybe they actually deal with them in a healthy way using the Tony Robbins technique, or the ignore/don’t think it about technique. Maybe they’re doing something else entirely. But I need to keep it real and be able to say what I’m thinking and feeling, and the people I connect the most with are people who are similar.

However.

Both my number one teacher and the teacher I just finished a weekend with have said something along the lines of happiness is a choice and you should control your thoughts and attention in a positive direction. I had a very hard time understanding this. It always sounded like I was just supposed to pretend I was happy when I wasn’t, and that felt fake, inauthentic, and kind of nauseating to me whenever I encountered that.

What I’ve found is a kind of subtle mix of both styles. Acknowledging and accepting, but then also cultivating the positive. It does feel kind of weird at first, but I gave it a chance and, well, it kinda worked…

I don't think any explanation will do it justice, at least from me, at my current baby-steps level. That's why I needed a up-close and personal model, being walked through it (multiple times, it just clicked much more deeply this time.) But how it can work, and still be authentic, I think I've got a handle on it. And I understand the importance of doing that inner gardening for my spiritual growth.

OK, I out, this was for last week, let's see if I can get a quick one out for this week.

On the precipice of adventure

I’m sitting in the airport, waiting for my second flight. I really don’t know what to expect for this upcoming spiritual workshop. It’s got a lot of hype around it, in a way, which makes it difficult to live up to. I’m trying not to come into it with expectations, but it’s stirred up a bunch of stuff for sure, even before arriving. I suppose that’s good for a spiritual workshop. The point is to see through the maya to truth no matter what, so if there’s specific stuff that’s blocking that from happening, it’s good to become aware of it.

I suppose you’ll hear about it next week, probably. For now, I’ve been spending the week taking care of immediately important stuff, taxes, finances, and chipping away at the new house, putting stuff away. And some playing. Suzannah and I got the newest Zelda game, and we’ve been exploring the beautiful world they’ve created. Again, like its predecessor, this game is truly a work of art. Like a classic movie, except instead of being two or three hours long, it’s like a hundred hours long. So, maybe a bit more like an epic fantasy novel series. One of those big ones where each book is a thousand pages and there are ten books in the series.

But different. Epic fantasy novels are always doing stuff, but this game allows you to live a bit of the in-between moments, wandering around exploring, discovering. Cooking even, and gathering things to cook. And the game makes it all charming and fun.

The other thing I’ve been doing is making sure I’m ready for this trip, and continuing to journal and research and think about my conundrum. I haven’t yet come up with a better solution than counseling graduate school. I looked at MSW’s, I looked at coaching. I thought about just trying to do stuff with no credentials.

I think most importantly, I’ve been thinking about what it is I want to do. The credentials and education are not an end-goal in themselves, they are just a means to an end. The more clear I have that goal, the easier it becomes to make any intermediate decisions. The problem of course, is that it’s a better idea to gauge what you want by actually doing it, and then course correcting. We humans often incorrectly predict what will make us happy.

Anyways, I’ve still got at least a few weeks to decide on graduate school, if I get accepted. Everything is done for one of them, and everything but the interview for the other one. I’ll probably know if I’m doing that, and thus so will you, by somewhere around the beginning of July.

It’s clear that I like creating and writing, I’ve done that with great joy already. And I’m pretty sure I like counseling. I did it a bit when I tried being a life coach several years ago, and though it wasn’t perfect, it felt like generally the right direction. And I know I don’t want to be a classroom teacher from extensive experience, unfortunately. What kind of counseling work do I want to do? I’m not going to know that without some experience.

I suppose my main worry is that I will somehow be wrong, and I will dislike counseling as much as teaching. Or that I could do something I enjoy just as much using my teaching masters, and the counseling degree is superfluous. That’s a question to journal on and research I guess. Before I get another degree, can I do what I want, with my current one.

OK, talk again in another week.

-I Out

Choices, trade offs, pathways.

 Alright, part 2. This part isn't sad. If you missed the last post, I'll summarize the important relevant bit: someone I respect kinda poo-pooed the idea of getting a counseling masters, so I'm having to re-think that decision carefully.

I'm home, wrapping up my application, and I'm going to have to spend some more time really thinking about my next step. Do I go this route, or do I try and forge a less mapped out path? I have a general idea of what I want to do. The creating part seems pretty clear and is less reliant on other people. I could start on that tomorrow, and maybe I should. That's yet another path to choose from.

The working with people part is less clear. There are classes and work with groups that I want to do, but mostly I want to work more intimately, more one on one. Coaching, counsel and therapy, mentoring, all seem like they could fit the bill. I want to do it with a spiritual bent, because I'm all about spiritual/personal growth. Being a counselor seems very much like it fits the bill. I think the draw of getting the masters in it is that it makes getting clients potentially much easier.

If I am state certified to take insurance and I've got the degree, people know I'm serious. I'm already serious, but how do other people know that? Without any certification it's basically just word of mouth, and without some clever angle or niche, I'm just some dude hanging up an "advice $1" sign on the sidewalk. The counseling masters is a really robust way of making sure I've got clients.

The main cost, aside from money (which is also substantial) is time. Even though the degree is pretty on topic, there will probably be things I'll learn that I don't really need to know. I'll have to do things that are of questionable value, to satisfy the degree requirements. Like with becoming a teacher, I suspect pretty much everything important about the job will be learned on the job. I could be spending that time learning exactly what I need to know, doing exactly what I need to do.

I think, as long as the degree is not too all-consuming, I'm still leaning towards it. I'm really not the self-promoter type. In addition to giving me at least a decent amount of the information I need, the degree makes it pretty easy for me to find work. Especially if I get licensed. And the experience, which is where I'll actually learn to do the thing, is built in to the program.

However, I am not yet decided. I could start doing and learning exactly what I wanted to, right now, rather than in 3-5 years (three of school, two of supervised practice in I want to be licensed to practice on my own, which may or may not be similar to what I most want to be doing, based on what's available in my small hometown.) 

That obviously sounds more attractive on it's own, but get's balanced out by the fact that I have no idea if I can actually make money and get clients doing that without credentials, or how much time and energy I'd have to put into entrepreneurial and marketing type stuff.

The balance might be a bit of both. The online programs are technically designed for older people who already have jobs and so are technically part-time. I can start doing the degree part time, and start doing the work I want to do, with the other part.

Alright, that's where I'm at. This is long, and the last part is maybe not a downer, so perhaps I'll split it off and make it the blog post for this week.

Oh, and I was reminded about a conversation I had with Suzannah about my deleted "negative" blog post. Afterwards, I had a conversation with her, and maybe it bears on any of you who read me being unhappy and think there's a problem: I use writing to think, and to process my emotions. Like that old catchphrase, "name it to tame it." putting words down for my thoughts and feelings helps make it concrete and get some distance from it. It helps me process my feelings and think through my thoughts. So often after I've had a good negative writing session, I feel better.

If it's really negative though, I'll try and limit myself to my personal journal. I get to swear there and everything :D

Alright, good-bye for this week. 

Eeyore. Ash. It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to.

 I'm currently 2 weeks behind, and that is because I posted one last week that my wife may have indicated was 'too negative.' And then I was busy and didn't want to think about it or try again while I was still in that state.

I'll try and keep this one from being 'too negative' but it may end up being a bit negative, so, well, if you don't want to hear about that, just skip it. You've been warned. No complaining to me if you read it anyways.

First the good: France was beautiful, we had adventures, and our hosts, some old family friends, were incredible. They shuttled us around, showed us the best places, even cooked for us. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for all they did and I think it was a very special experience for Suzannah getting to see and taste all the amazing experiences.

Now the bad: which was pretty much all in my head, not having to do with anything external. 

Right before I left, maybe three days, I finally got to chat with an older mentor-type figure who had gone through a therapy/counseling program. I wanted to get his opinion about doing so, and he gave it to me. It was in a nutshell that he wouldn't recommend doing the program. 

He wasn't even able to get certified in his state because he hadn't done his research and he needed a doctorate in his state. And he said one could learn most of the specialized knowledge by reading a few books. He said I could try and get certified quicker and with less restrictions doing an MSW, but I'd be learning a bunch of stuff that I wasn't interested in. He suggested maybe trying to swing my current masters into a consulting type job or something.

He hadn't realized I was already applying, and when I mentioned that he backpedaled a little bit, saying it was a good job, he knew people who did it and liked it. Though he still suggested I just do a shorter course that taught some specialized knowledge for how to help with trauma, which you don't get just from books or common sense. I think he apologized for being a downer or something, but I was glad for an honest opinion. Though I didn't have time to really consider it at that point because I needed to be getting stuff done: applying to things and getting ready for the trip.

When my birthday came around, I had finally slowed down a bit, and had time to reflect, and the reflections were not good. I was questioning my whole path, and the trip, which I had thought of as a kind of victory celebration, having figured out my next step, felt more like a mockery. "you thought you knew what to do with your life? Ha! That'll teach you. Maybe everything you thought you figured out was wrong and you have to start again from scratch. Maybe you're just kidding yourself, yet again, and wasting more time.

It was a little stark, being phyiscally in what you might call paradise, but what's that phrase, something about everything turning to ash in your mouth? I couldn't enjoy any of it.

I got myself up and out, I took some time to reflect and collect my thoughts in nature, which always helps a bit. I reminded myself that everything happens for a reason, and looked for the lesson in it all. I managed to distract myself some of the time, and find a way forward, and enjoy what was going on, but whenever there was a chance to settle and reflect, or something went wrong, it was Eeyor's voice bemoaning his fate and the futility of everything. 

Some of what we were doing was kind of tourist-y, visiting historical monuments and sightseeing, which is not normally my thing, but I felt obliged to do it. I could go for a walk in the woods anywhere, if I was in France, then I felt kind of obligated to see the things I could only experience in France. But being in and out of this dreary mood made it harder to get into the state of mind where I could enjoy things. I got mostly out of the funk after a day or two, but it continued to cast a bit of a shadow over things every now and then.

I felt ungrateful, and wasteful, and like I was a drag on Suzannah enjoying her time. But the bottom like was, emotionally, some of the time, I was going through a bit of suck, and there was nothing I could do to change it. If you're feeling bad, and someone tells you not to feel bad, it generally just makes you feel worse. At some point when the bad taste from my own internal yuck is gone maybe I'll share some of the fun adventures I had in France, of which there were many. For now, moving on. I'm gonna split this post up, since I need two, and since this next part isn't me being unhappy, just me thinking about what I'm going to do next.

end part one.

I'm in France!

Bonjour! I'm in Saint Siffret, France. Was in Paris a few days ago. No time to sit and write about it now though, I'm too busy living it. I'll write about it later. It's beautiful, the food is delicious and fresh, and I'm having a good time with the family friends we're staying with and Suzannah. Talk more later, au revoir!

Paris is coming! Application is getting done! Spring is here!

Well, It's Monday and I have solid 1st drafts of all 5 of my application essays, 4 of which are now under the maximum word count and one of which is only 60 or so words over, and so maybe is fine to. Starting to feel like I got this! Next up is getting my resume in order and making sure I've got 3 letters of recommendation. Or 2 now, since I've already got one done. It's starting to feel like I'll be able to take time to pack and prepare a little bit for France before I leave 😄

All but one of my essays has gone through a first pass edit with a friend, so I think I'm in good shape. Can't let up the pressure yet, but I think I will be able to do everything that needs to get done in the alloted time, which, last week this time, I was not so sure about. I was able to learn how to write an essay within a word count over the last week, and apparently the results are decent. Growth mindset and learning for the win!

For now, I'm staying focused though:

"On the plains of hesitation lie the blackened bones of countless millions who at the dawn of victory lay down to rest, and in resting died."

  -Adlai Stevenson I (so says the interwebs)

There is a lot of wonderful stuff going on these days! I want to talk about it, but I will have to save the longer bouts of writing for when I am traveling on a plane to France, or sipping decaf coffee and eating fresh baked croissants in a cafe in Paris. Hourra!

Looking forward to when I'll be writing the next one of these!

Time and word count

 I'm still writing the grad school essays. There are two in particular that I've been banging my head against for days, mainly because my word count is too high, but also because I'm trying to make a really good previous essay I wrote fit into the word count. The word count is too high for all of my essays, but particularly those two. I am hopefully getting closer to them not being too high. I suppose this says something about my writing. You already knew this if you've been reading my blogs, but I have a hard time writing something short.

This would be fine, but I don't know how much time these are going to take, and I'm leaving for France in a week, so I've been putting just about everything else on hold, or reducing it to emergency sustenance levels. However, I only have so many hours of good writing in me, and they all happen in the morning, so especially when something comes up, like it did today, that has to get taken care of in the morning, it hurts extra. And I can get a lot more done when I'm well rested, so when I don't get enough sleep, like last night, it also hurts. This is one of the reasons I'm writing this now, in the afternoon. Yesterday I worked into the evening, perhaps because I'd gotten a good night of sleep, but today I was done by lunch. I knew I wasn't getting any more good writing out of myself, so I switched over to other tasks that need to get done before I leave, or in preparation for our trip.

OK, I'm on to the next thing now. Bonjour!

-Isaac

It's raining it's pouring, the old man is writing grad school application essays.

We have moved! The new house is really nice. It is also a chaos of boxes everywhere. Also, I'm applying to graduate school now for the fall semester, so I don't have lots of time to sort things into their proper places, so it's staying chaotic. Also, I'm going to France in two weeks, so that too. When it rains it pours, though all the rain is good rain.

Yes, graduate school in counseling. I've got plenty of voices nay-saying about it in my own head, but I don't have time to explicate on them today. Honestly, it seems like a really good fit. I work well with people in intimate, one-on-one settings, and I like doing it. I've already tested this and know it. Unlike with being a classroom teacher, which was a bit of an unknown and turned out to be not my cup of tea. In any case, I've still got time to mull it over before I commit, but if I want the opportunity at all, I need to act now and swiftly. 

I could theoretically just hang up my shingle and be an uncertified life-coach and teacher of positive values, and if the schooling is part time, which I hope it is, I can still pursue that as I'm getting certified, but the certification has a lot of benefits. I can reach more people and get more useful theory, practice and experience. I can work more places, I can take insurance for some of the things I'm interested in doing, and I can feel confident that I'm working with people in accordance with the best information science has to say on the matter.

In any case, decide later, do now, is the order of the day. And so with that I leave you to go back to my work. Maybe I'll write another of these soon, as this one was for last week.

Decision. Action. More action. A lot more action. OK maybe a little bit too much action.

 The weather is crazy here. It's going from 70's to 30's from one day to the next. It's beautiful and magical, with spring new green leaves and grass, redbuds and pear blossoms and all sorts of flowers and baby tree leaves coming out. And then there was sleet the other day, and winds strong enough to blow around our deck furniture.

I may have a direction picked out for what I'll be doing next. Which would be handy, as I'd given myself until my trip to France to get that figured out to some basic level. I still feel like keeping it close to the chest for now, but I'm working on something.

Also: only a month or so until France! Also: we're moving! Moving is a lot of work, and exhausting. We don't have any definite deadline, and it's only across town, so, significantly less exhausting. But still quite a lot, especially with also planning France, my secret project, finishing up taxes, and wrapping up my weekend volunteer classes, keeping up with learning French, keeping up with the ongoing class I'm doing, and trying to stay somewhat organized (I've postponed any new habit installations or secondary projects for the time being, as I've got enough to deal with for the next two months, just taking care of the bare minimum necessary projects.) But it feels good! I've got my direction. So I guess now everything can happen all at once :D

This is a short post, for obvious reasons.

Take care, with love,

-Isaac

Long post. iPad, traveling, philosophers vs. engineers. "What makes the good life?"

I’m writing these both on my iPad as I drive (get driven, more accurately) to the airport, to head back to Iowa.

It’s interesting marrying someone from a less affluent background. I think it gives both of us a bit of a prod, in terms of growing. My wife grew up a bit jealous of the wealthy people around her, and sometimes judgmental about the way some of the wealthy people behaved, not being respectful to the people who served them, acting entitled, and often not working hard, yet having so much, which seemed unfair to her.

Funny thing is, as a youth I also had these same judgments about wealthy people, which was extra uncomfortable, since I realized that included me. Few things rankle a person as much as having someone else point out a fault in them that they already know about and are bothered by.

I’m very empathic and aware of what’s going on in other people, so try as she might, I’m usually aware of when my wife’s judgments about wealth are directed at me. She’s always apologetic and I think she would stop if she were able to just turn it off, but alas, it is not that easy. Also she might be justified in her judgments of me 😅

I grew up with a grandfather that started off kind of poor, worked really hard, and through a lot of investing luck along with work and thoughtfulness became wealthy. And then a direct family that was able to work less hard because of that. So I got both messages internalized. 'Work hard' and 'you don’t need to work so hard.' In terms of habits, the one's I ended up acquiring were not hard-work habits. They were take it easy habits. But I also had the 'work hard' messaging, so there was a lot of guilt.

Ultimately, through the lens of reason, I came to the conclusion that it was my duty to give back to the society that had given me so much. It also resonated with my thoughts as a child. Society had problems, people were unhappy, there was a lot that could be fixed and made better, so I should try and do that.

It also resonates with my spiritual beliefs, which go something like this: all is God. To serve man (or woman, or animal, or plant…) is to serve God. I also wanted to express my gratitude, and I believe selfless service is an important part of spiritual practice. Also, an important element of a happy, meaningful life. Science agrees. So overall, at least intellectually I'm in favor of working hard in service to others. Which makes my actions when I chill and take it easy cause cognitive dissonance.

Speaking of science, I’m reading through some books in the positive psychology field. It’s nice to see which techniques are backed up by science and some of the nuance behind what works and what doesn’t. Which the good scientists make sure to highlight, as opposed to the pop-psychology, self-help book-salesmen type people, who tend to gloss over the important details and nuance, ultimately making for catchy-er and less useful information, as well as just plain wrong stuff, since they don't really care about being accurate. Currently I’m reading a book called “Flourish” by Martin Seligman. He wrote a book called “Authentic Happiness” about positive psychology, but then revised his thinking to include more than just “happiness.” Let’s see if I can remember what the acronym stands for… PERMA

Purpose (beyond self), Emotions (positive ones), Relationships, Mastery, Accomplishment. That’s his collection of things that people pursue for their own sake, if my memory serves. I’ve only begun the book, so there’s probably more to it than that.

Anyhoo, I’ve been thinking about what makes for a satisfying life. I think I’ve heard the phrases, “the pleasant life” along with “the meaningful life” and maybe one more. But ultimately, it has to do with oneself, with what you want, I guess. But what do you want, really? And maybe it’s not just that, since science says we are often terrible at predicting what will make us happy. I guess this is why philosophers have been talking about it forever.

And though I don't have a satisfying conclusion or solution, at least I'm in good company, as the various smarty-pants philosophers all seem to have taken their own stab at "what makes the good life" but either none of them has figured it out, or at the least, none has been able to reliably impart the answer, or we'd have a lot more people who felt like they were living the good life. This is eventually what soured me on most philosophy: the fact that people were still miserable, and so for all their thinking and writing, they hadn't actually solved anybody's problems. Maybe it's more complicated than that, like a theoretical physicist that makes important discoveries, but requires an engineer or such to make something practical out of it. At some point I decided it was time to try actually making something out of all the theory, and it was at that point that I started discovering that a lot of the smart sounding philosophy was actually not useful in practice, or even worse, made one less happy. Some of it was helpful, and that's what I've kept, but it's by no means complete.

Going to end now, this post has dragged on long enough, and I don't have a punch-y solution, which I'd probably be required to come up with out of some orifice if I was writing this for someone who wanted to earn money from it. Glad I'm not!

I Out   ;-)